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Some people think that the news media nowadays have influenced people’s lives in negative ways. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that the news media nowadays have influenced people’s lives in negative ways. v. 1
The media has long been perceived as a tool providing people with news and information, thus it undoubtedly exerts considerable effects on them. While some argue that this is a negative trend, I personally believe that it does more good than harm. On the one hand, it is without dispute that the news media might sometimes be detrimental to the society. In particular, it has an inclination towards exaggerating the magnitude of the real threat (for example, the contagion of a disease) so as to draw the attention of desired audiences and in pursuit of high audience ratings. This can result in causing a widespread panic among the population. Besides, the news media has a tendency to emphasise some issues or events, which nearly have little relevance to people’s daily lives including an affair that a celebrity is involved with, an occasional vehicle accident, and the like. In other words, viewers are prone to get distracted from something is far more noteworthy, namely poverty, environment-related issues, to name but a few. On the other hand, despite the downside mentioned above, news media yet leaves some undeniable positive impacts on human beings. First and foremost, people can have a provision of needed information on a timely basis, which may contribute to helping them keep up with current affairs and broaden their horizons in many aspects such as economics, politics and cultural diversity in many parts of the world. More importantly, it would be of great essence to acknowledge that news media can sometimes save lives and reduce casualties. Specifically, it conveys the firsthand information about impending natural calamity involving Earthquake, hurricanes and grave flood to concerned audiences and enables them to take corresponding actions promptly. The authority can declare a state of emergency, organize evacuation and distribute aid to the needy regions. In conclusion, news media is a double-edged sword; I hold the view, however, that the perks overshadow the drawbacks.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has long
been perceived
as a tool providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and information,
thus
it
undoubtedly
exerts considerable effects on them. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend, I
personally
believe that it does more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
than harm.

On the one hand, it is without dispute that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be detrimental to the society.
In particular
, it has an inclination towards exaggerating the magnitude of the real threat (
for example
, the contagion of a disease)
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
draw the attention of desired audiences and in pursuit of high audience ratings. This can result in causing a widespread panic among the population.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has a tendency to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, which
nearly
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
relevance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
including an affair that a celebrity
is involved
with, an occasional vehicle accident, and the like.
In other words
, viewers are prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted from something is far more noteworthy,
namely
poverty, environment-related issues, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few.

On the other hand
, despite the downside mentioned above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
yet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
undeniable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on human beings.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can have a provision of needed information on a timely basis, which may contribute to helping them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs and broaden their horizons in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects such as economics, politics and cultural diversity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world. More
importantly
, it would be of great essence to acknowledge that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
casualties.
Specifically
, it conveys the firsthand information about impending natural calamity involving Earthquake, hurricanes and grave flood to concerned audiences and enables them to take corresponding actions
promptly
. The authority can declare a state of emergency, organize evacuation and distribute aid to the needy regions.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a double-edged sword; I hold the view,
however
, that the perks overshadow the drawbacks.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the news media nowadays have influenced people’s lives in negative ways. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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