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Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? v.1

Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? v. 1
It is commonly believed that the extravagant price of healthcare has been attributed to the involvement of private enterprises, despite it being a fundamental need of every resident. The principle advantage of private health hospitals is the better facilities they can offer as compared to state-own institutions, while the main disadvantage that its high treatment cost makes ordinary people impossible to access the healthcare services they need. This essay agrees that its demerit outweigh the merit. Firstly, the principle advantage of healthcare services catered by private sector is that they can treat patients with higher-quality equipments, as well as offer clients with more personal care. This is because a private company makes enormous profits from treatment fee of its patients, which are relatively higher than that in public hospitals. Therefore, A lion’s proportion of this profit is invested back in equipping more advanced medical machines and facilities, as well as hiring and training top-notch specialists to serve its clients. However, the main disadvantage of the private healthcare system is the high price itself. To be more specific, only the affluent have enough money to pay for examination and treatment procedures conducted in private hospitals, while a person with low salaries may struggle to pay for medical bills. As a result, people would not have equal access to the services in profit-making hospitals, despite receiving medical treatment is a basic necessity. For example, a survey in 2019 depicts that an ordinary office worker would need up to 1 year to compensate for the money they spent on one time they visit a private hospital for general health examination. In conclusion, it is true that profit-oriented hospitals may offer equipments with higher quality than government-owned facilities. However, if the private sector offered a supportive policy to lower the treatment cost, more people would have equal access to its state-of-the-art facilities which it provides.
It is
commonly
believed that the extravagant price of healthcare has
been attributed
to the involvement of
private
enterprises, despite it being a fundamental need of every resident. The
principle
advantage of
private
health
hospitals
is the better facilities they can offer as compared to state-
own
institutions, while the main disadvantage that its high
treatment
cost
makes
ordinary
people
impossible to access the healthcare services they need. This essay
agrees
that its demerit outweigh the merit.

Firstly
, the
principle
advantage of healthcare services catered by
private
sector is that they can treat patients with higher-quality equipments,
as well
as offer clients with more personal care. This is
because
a
private
company
makes
enormous profits from
treatment
fee of its patients, which are
relatively
higher than that in public
hospitals
.
Therefore
, A lion’s proportion of this profit
is invested
back in equipping more advanced medical machines and facilities,
as well
as hiring and training top-notch specialists to serve its clients.

However
, the main disadvantage of the
private
healthcare system is the high price itself. To be more specific,
only
the affluent have
enough
money to pay for examination and
treatment
procedures conducted in
private
hospitals
, while a person with low salaries may struggle to pay for medical bills.
As a result
,
people
would not have equal access to the services in profit-making
hospitals
, despite receiving medical
treatment
is a basic necessity.
For example
, a survey in 2019 depicts that an ordinary office worker would need up to 1 year to compensate for the money they spent on one time they visit a
private
hospital
for general health examination.

In conclusion
, it is true that profit-oriented
hospitals
may offer equipments with higher quality than
government
-
owned
facilities.
However
, if the
private
sector offered a supportive policy to lower the
treatment
cost, more
people
would have equal access to its state-of-the-art facilities which it provides.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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