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Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? v.1

Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? v. 1
It is commonly believed that the extravagant price of healthcare has been attributed to the involvement of private enterprises, despite it being a fundamental need of every resident. The principle advantage of private health hospitals is the better facilities they can offer as compared to state-own institutions, while the main disadvantage that its high treatment cost makes ordinary people impossible to access the healthcare services they need. This essay agrees that its demerit outweigh the merit. Firstly, the principle advantage of healthcare services catered by private sector is that they can treat patients with higher-quality equipments, as well as offer clients with more personal care. This is because a private company makes enormous profits from treatment fee of its patients, which are relatively higher than that in public hospitals. Therefore, A lion’s proportion of this profit is invested back in equipping more advanced medical machines and facilities, as well as hiring and training top-notch specialists to serve its clients. However, the main disadvantage of the private healthcare system is the high price itself. To be more specific, only the affluent have enough money to pay for examination and treatment procedures conducted in private hospitals, while a person with low salaries may struggle to pay for medical bills. As a result, people would not have equal access to the services in profit-making hospitals, despite receiving medical treatment is a basic necessity. For example, a survey in 2019 depicts that an ordinary office worker would need up to 1 year to compensate for the money they spent on one time they visit a private hospital for general health examination. In conclusion, it is true that profit-oriented hospitals may offer equipments with higher quality than government-owned facilities. However, if the private sector offered a supportive policy to lower the treatment cost, more people would have equal access to its state-of-the-art facilities which it provides.
It is
commonly
believed that the extravagant price of healthcare has
been attributed
to the involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
enterprises, despite it being a fundamental need of every resident. The
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
is the better facilities they can offer as compared to state-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
institutions, while the main disadvantage that its high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
cost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
impossible to access the healthcare services they need. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that its demerit outweigh the merit.

Firstly
, the
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
advantage of healthcare services catered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
sector is that they can treat patients with higher-quality equipments,
as well
as offer clients with more personal care. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
enormous profits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
fee of its patients, which are
relatively
higher than that in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
.
Therefore
, A lion’s proportion of this profit
is invested
back in equipping more advanced medical machines and facilities,
as well
as hiring and training top-notch specialists to serve its clients.

However
, the main disadvantage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare system is the high price itself. To be more specific,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the affluent have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to pay for examination and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
procedures conducted in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
, while a person with low salaries may struggle to pay for medical bills.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would not have equal access to the services in profit-making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
, despite receiving medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
is a basic necessity.
For example
, a survey in 2019 depicts that an ordinary office worker would need up to 1 year to compensate for the money they spent on one time they visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
for general health examination.

In conclusion
, it is true that profit-oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
may offer equipments with higher quality than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
facilities.
However
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
sector offered a supportive policy to lower the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
cost, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would have equal access to its state-of-the-art facilities which it provides.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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