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Some people agree with spending lots of money are large wedding while others think it is a waste of time what is your opinion v.1

Some people agree with spending lots of money are large wedding while others think it is a waste of time what is your opinion v. 1
It is argued that writing letters is not necessary anymore due to the recent --> recent ways of communication. I agree in part with this statement due to the following reasons. On the one hand, modern technologies have developed considerably in short --> a short amount of time, since the digital era promoted this accelerated pace, as a consequence, everyone needs to be updated to know how to use the recent changes the world is experimenting, which includes the methods of communication. For instance, a recent study found that 84% of toddlers born in 2018 had already contact --> contacted a smartphone or computer, as they spend more time in --> on the screen than with papers and pencils. Apart from that, new technologies save time and money given the fact that an individual is able to send an audio or a message in WhatsApp and get the answer in the same minute for free, as a result, they do not need to waste time going and waiting for the courier, neither do they need to wast money with the envelope and stamp. On the other hand, many professions still require to write letters, because although the technology has developed significantly, letters are a safe way to send a communication, as a result, it is still being used in a variety of areas. For example, a survey last year showed that 67% of Canadian businesses still use letters to communicate, inside and outside the office, as it confers higher credibility. In addition, many people like to write letters because they become a pleasant memory to be kept, consequently perpetuating the feeling of the moment. In conclusion, even though the digital era brought many efficient ways of communication, writing letters still have its own place in society.
It
is argued
that writing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
is not necessary anymore due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
-
Do you wish to insert an arrow?
->
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
in part with this statement due to the following reasons.

On the one hand, modern technologies have developed
considerably
in short -
Do you wish to insert an arrow?
->
a short amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, since the digital era promoted this accelerated pace, as a consequence, everyone needs to
be updated
to know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the world is experimenting, which includes the methods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
study found that 84% of toddlers born in 2018 had already
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "contacted".
contact
-
Do you wish to insert an arrow?
->
contacted a smartphone or computer, as they spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in -
Do you wish to insert an arrow?
->
on the screen than with papers and pencils. Apart from that, new technologies save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the fact that an individual is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
an audio or a message in WhatsApp and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the answer in the same minute for free,
as a result
, they do not need to waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
going and waiting for the courier, neither do they need to wast money with the envelope and stamp.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professions
still
require
Did you mean "writing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to write
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
although the technology has developed
significantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
are a safe way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
,
as a result
, it is
still
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a variety of areas.
For example
, a survey last year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 67% of Canadian businesses
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
to communicate, inside and outside the office, as it confers higher credibility.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to write
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they become a pleasant memory to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
,
consequently
perpetuating the feeling of the moment.

In conclusion
,
even though
the digital era brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
efficient ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, writing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
still
have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
place in society.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people agree with spending lots of money are large wedding while others think it is a waste of time what is your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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