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Women and men are commonly seen as having different strength and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v.2

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strength and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v. 2
It is believed that both women and men have made a very significant contribution in all areas. In fact, they are born with their character pros and cons which make them poles apart. Base on this point, some people wonder whether each sex should be prohibited from doing some kind of job due to their gender. In this essay, I would present some arguments for the idea that gender equality should be practiced wherever possible. There are several justifications why both genders should have equal opportunities to making occupations. Certain posts are perfectly done by females but not males and vice versa. Nannies or care workers, for example, are self-evidently female jobs. That may be because females are always more caring, compassionate, and empathetic than males or tend to play more of a caring role. By contrast, there has always been a greater bias by men toward doing jobs that are quite risky and require extreme physical fitness like pilots, soldiers or coal miners, and so on. On the other hand, nowadays when gender equality has become one of the basic terms in the law of many advanced and developed countries, women as well as men have proved that they can play a significant role in many occupations where the opposite sex traditionally dominates. Female police officers, for example, may have a greater understanding of domestic violence and a better range of strategies for dealing with this problem. Male primary school teachers probably have a better understanding of the needs of young boys and can serve as good role models for them. In conclusion, men and women may possess different skills. Certain jobs are more suitable for men. There are also certain jobs where women perform better than men do. To what extent, I believe gender is not a main specification for employment. Recruiter should evaluate a candidate based on their performance and the suitability to the job instead. This will ensure that men and women have the same rewarding opportunities in the labor market.
It
is believed
that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
have made a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant contribution in all areas. In fact, they
are born
with their character pros and cons which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them poles apart. Base on this point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
wonder whether each sex should
be prohibited
from doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
due to their gender. In this essay, I would present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that gender equality should
be practiced
wherever possible.

There are several justifications why both genders should have equal opportunities to making occupations. Certain posts are
perfectly
done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not males and vice versa. Nannies or care workers,
for example
, are self-
evidently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. That may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are always more caring, compassionate, and empathetic than males or tend to play more of a caring role. By contrast, there has always been a greater bias by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
toward doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that are quite risky and require extreme physical fitness like pilots, soldiers or coal miners, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

On the other hand
, nowadays when gender equality has become one of the basic terms in the law of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advanced and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
have proved that they can play a significant role in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occupations where the opposite sex
traditionally
dominates.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Female
police officers,
for example
, may have a greater understanding of domestic violence and a better range of strategies for dealing with this problem. Male primary school teachers
probably
have a better understanding of the needs of young boys and can serve as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
role models for them.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
may possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are more suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. There are
also
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
perform better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
do. To what extent, I believe gender is not a main specification for employment. Recruiter should evaluate a candidate based on their performance and the suitability to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
instead
. This will ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have the same rewarding opportunities in the labor market.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Women and men are commonly seen as having different strength and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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