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In many countries, people wear more western-style clothes (suits and jeans) than their traditional clothes. Why? Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

In many countries, people wear more western-style clothes (suits and jeans) than their traditional clothes. Why? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
Nowadays, it is noticeable that a growing number of people tend to wear western-style clothes instead of their traditional clothes. As far as I am concerned, it closely related to the development of international trade and the feature of western-style clothes themselves, bringing about positive influences holistically. What we cannot deny is that the advance of international business is an indispensable factor of promoting western-style clothes. Indeed, the majority of western countries are developed countries. When the rest of the world do business with them, it is inevitable to accept their rules and cultures, clothes are no exception. In addition, compared with traditional clothes, western-style clothes are more suitable to wear in some formal occasions, such as academic conferences and business negotiations, due to the fact that their color and designs are simple, giving others a sense of profession and being respected. Some people may claim that it will lead to the disappearance of their own traditional clothes and culture. Obviously, such worries are unnecessary. Although an increasing number of people choose to wear western-style clothes, our government still can take some measures to protect, even promote traditional clothes. Furthermore, dressing western-style clothes has become an inevitable mainstream all over the world, even being a symbol of modernization. Therefore, choosing western-style clothes can help us more easily to participate in international affairs, especially international business and commerce. In conclusion, the prevalence of western-style clothes is the result of the development of international business and globalization. Compare with insisting traditional clothes, it seems that accepting change is a more sensible choice.
Nowadays, it is noticeable that a growing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to wear western-style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
instead
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. As far as I
am concerned
, it
closely
related to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
trade and the feature of western-style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
themselves, bringing about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences
holistically
.

What we cannot deny is that the advance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is an indispensable factor of promoting western-style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
.
Indeed
, the majority of western countries are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. When the rest of the world do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
with them, it is inevitable to accept their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and cultures,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are no exception.
In addition
, compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, western-style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are more suitable to wear in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
formal occasions, such as academic conferences and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
negotiations, due to the fact that their color and designs are simple, giving others a sense of profession and
being respected
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may claim that it will lead to the disappearance of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
and culture.
Obviously
, such worries are unnecessary. Although an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose to wear western-style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
still
can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to protect, even promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
.
Furthermore
, dressing western-style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
has become an inevitable mainstream all over the world, even being a symbol of modernization.
Therefore
, choosing western-style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us more
easily
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
affairs,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and commerce.

In conclusion
, the prevalence of western-style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is the result of the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and globalization. Compare with insisting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, it seems that accepting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is a more sensible choice.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, people wear more western-style clothes (suits and jeans) than their traditional clothes. Why? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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