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Some people think that the newly built houses should follow the styles of the old houses in the local areas, while others think that people should have freedom to build houses of their own styles. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that the newly built houses should follow the styles of the old houses in the local areas, while others think that people should have freedom to build houses of their own styles. v. 1
Numerous countries witness a deterioration in people’s health because they choose to live unhealthily. In my opinion, while I believe that this choice can stem from one reason, some actions could be taken to tackle the issue. On the one hand, the one reason why people’s choice is living unhealthily is that they have so little time that they can choose a healthier life. Cost of living in several countries is too high and people have to spend more and more time either being a workplace or taking sideline jobs. People normally have to eat fast food during lunch breaks, stay up late to complete their work and have no much time to do exercises, which has a bad influence on their health. On the other hand, several things can resolve the issue. Firstly, governments should impose heavy taxes on unhealthy products, such as fast food, alcohol, stimulants, and cigarettes. It can prevent people from using these products too much and stop people’s cravings for unhealthy products. Secondly, governments ought to invest more effort in social media on the internet to raise public awareness of unhealthy lifestyle. The solution assists citizens in having a better understanding of the harm of unhealthy style because of the popularity of the internet. People will make an effort to break their unhealthy habits as well as renders them stronger. In conclusion, I contend that people’s choice to have an unhealthy lifestyle can be involved in the rising cost of living, whereas there are some solutions to this trend.
Numerous countries witness a deterioration in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
unhealthily
. In my opinion, while I believe that this choice can stem from one reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions could
be taken
to tackle the issue.

On the one hand, the one reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
choice is living
unhealthily
is that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time that they can choose a healthier life. Cost of living in several countries is too high and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more and more time either being a workplace or taking sideline jobs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
normally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food during lunch breaks, stay up late to complete their work and have no much time to do exercises, which has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on their health.

On the other hand
, several things can resolve the issue.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should impose heavy taxes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
products, such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, alcohol, stimulants, and cigarettes. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from using these products too much and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
cravings for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
products.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
ought to invest more effort in social media on the internet to raise public awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
lifestyle. The solution assists citizens in having a better understanding of the harm of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
style
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the popularity of the internet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to break their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
habits
as well
as renders them stronger.

In conclusion
, I contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
choice to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
lifestyle can
be involved
in the rising cost of living, whereas there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to this trend.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people think that the newly built houses should follow the styles of the old houses in the local areas, while others think that people should have freedom to build houses of their own styles. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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