Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that the most important thing the rich can do with money is to help people. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

Some people think that the most important thing the rich can do with money is to help people. v. 1
Money brings us happiness they say, does it really mean it? Everybody thinks that the most valuable thing a rich person can do is to help the poor. In this essay, we will come to know is it really mandatory to donate to them and why do I stand on it? To begin, It cannot be earned easily. One needs to do hard work to earn it. For instance, according to XYZ stats there are about 70% human beings living below the poverty line in the world. If all the rich people donate their money to poor ones, as a result, they will become lazy to do work and expect the same to do so always. Furthermore, I prefer someone to donate something apart from liquid currency. For example, clothes, books, food e. t. c. So that the they don't waste the currency notes. In other words, a friend of mine had given some currency notes to his servant maid for his son studies, but instead of using it properly he took it brought alcohol, and drank it. This clearly shows the difference between donating cash and other valuables. Finally, the government should seek though this poverty issue and try to develop plans so that it could benefit the all people without and social discrimination. While, the ones with more cash should spend or donate it wisely and make sure that it is properly reached to the one indeed.
Money brings us happiness they say, does it
really
mean it? Everybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that the most valuable thing a rich person can do is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the poor. In this essay, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know is it
really
mandatory to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donate
to them and why do I stand on it?

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, It cannot
be earned
easily
. One needs to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work to earn it.
For instance
, according to XYZ stats there are about 70% human beings living below the poverty line in the world. If all the rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donate
their money to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
,
as a result
, they will become lazy to do work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the same to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
The adverb 'always' is usually not used at the end of a sentence.
always
.

Furthermore
, I prefer someone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donate
something apart from liquid currency.
For example
, clothes, books, food e. t. c.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "they"?
the they
don't waste the currency notes.
In other words
, a friend of mine had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
currency notes to his servant maid for his son studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
of using it
properly
he took it brought alcohol, and drank it. This
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the difference between donating cash and other valuables.

Finally
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should seek though this poverty issue and try to develop plans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it could benefit the all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without and social discrimination. While, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
with more cash should spend or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donate
it
wisely
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that it is
properly
reached to the one
indeed
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the most important thing the rich can do with money is to help people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts