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In many countries, the government likes to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both sides and giver your opinion. v.1

In many countries, the government likes to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think government should spend more on health and education. v. 1
Whereas some argue that it is right that the government spends a lot of money on the arts, others claim that the government should invest more on health and education. In my opinion, although arts are relevant for society, spending on health and educations is more important. First of all, the arts are relevant for a country, since they can bring awareness about society's issues. Thus, it is part of a government duty investing in music and video production among other types of arts. For example, an inequality of opportunities for people coming from suburban areas can be expressed by the music produced by authors which are living in that region. Consequently, the government investing on several kinds of arts is a way of allowing people to express their reality. On the other hand, health and education are essential blocks for a country's wealth. Hence, both a good health care system and high quality education need to be a priority for government spending. For instance, it is preferable investing in hospitals, schools, and universities instead of investing on other topics, such as either music or video production. Therefore, since health and education are fundamental for a society they need to come first when talking about public investments. In conclusion, even though the arts are important for expressing different society's realities, a proper medical care system and quality education are core necessities for a country. Then, I believe that the government should invest more on health and education than on the arts.
Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it is right that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, others claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In my opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are relevant for society, spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are relevant for a country, since they can bring awareness about society's issues.
Thus
, it is part of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
duty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investing
in music and video production among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
For example
, an inequality of opportunities for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
coming from suburban areas can
be expressed
by the music produced by authors which are living in that region.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investing
on several kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a way of allowing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to express their reality.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are essential blocks for a country's wealth.
Hence
, both a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system and high quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
need to be a priority for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spending.
For instance
, it is preferable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investing
in hospitals, schools, and universities
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investing
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
topics, such as either music or video production.
Therefore
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are fundamental for a society they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
first
when talking about public investments.

In conclusion
,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for expressing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
society's realities, a proper medical care system and quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are core necessities for a country. Then, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, the government likes to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think government should spend more on health and education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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