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Is It Okay to be Wealthy or are the rich a social problem, how do people become rich, Is it a fact that in order for some to get rich, others must become poor? v.1

Is It Okay to be Wealthy or are the rich a social problem, how do people become rich, Is it a fact that in order for some to get rich, others must become poor? v. 1
Being rich in the society is not only the pride thing, but it also opens door to help others. Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is; it gives them a chance to help people who are in need. This essay will argue why money is moderately necessary to support in a large scale. Money is not only the requirement to help others because helping others can be in any form. It can be in the form of providing free education, giving shelter to homeless people. For an instance, when I studied in Australia for one year where we had the task of supporting people who are mentally broke, so we helped them by motivating and showing them the path of success. In another instance, my aunt who is a teacher by profession where she supports underprivileged children by teaching them with no tuition fee. Therefore, being rich is not necessary in this kind of scenarios. On the other hand, some people think that the most important thing of having more money gives a person the opportunity to help others. Being rich is sometimes necessary for those who wants to help because it provides a chance to support more number of people. For example, my brother who is an entrepreneur earns million dollars a year, so he runs a school for 500 students which provides everything for free. Instead of paying hefty taxes to the government, they can do these activities. This essay argued that why being rich is moderately necessary to help people. In my opinion, instead of paying high taxes by billionaires to the government, one can help directly to the people.
Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
in the society is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the pride thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
opens door to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing about being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
is; it gives them a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in need. This essay will argue why money is
moderately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
to support in a large scale.

Money is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the requirement to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
helping others can be in any form. It can be in the form of providing free education, giving shelter to homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. For an instance, when I studied in Australia for one
It is better to use 'year' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "year when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
year where
we had the task of supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are mentally broke,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them by motivating and showing them the path of success. In another instance, my aunt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is a teacher by profession where she supports underprivileged children by teaching them with no tuition fee.
Therefore
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
in this kind of scenarios.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing of having more money gives a person the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others. Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides a chance to support more number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, my brother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is an entrepreneur earns
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
dollars a year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he runs a school for 500 students which provides everything for free.

Instead
of paying hefty taxes to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, they can do these activities.

This essay argued that why being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
is
moderately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion,
instead
of paying high taxes by billionaires to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, one can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
directly
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Is It Okay to be Wealthy or are the rich a social problem, how do people become rich, Is it a fact that in order for some to get rich, others must become poor? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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