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Some people think that the media(such as newspaper) should be allowed to publish information about people's private lives. Other, however, think that there should be controls to stop the media publishing this kind of information. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the media(such as newspaper) should be allowed to publish information about people's private lives. Other, however, think that there should be controls to stop the media publishing this kind of information. v. 1
Opinions differ as to whether newspapers hold the right to publicize people’s personal life or strict control should be put upon such an action. This essay will discuss two opposing ideas. To begin with, it is understandable why some people support the publication of private details in newspapers. One reason is that some individuals, especially celebrities and political figures, would want to have their name widely known. Thus, they would allow newspapers to write articles about their daily healthy routines to cultivate interests of the mass population. For example, the publicity of a prominent politician’s pastime of charity or helping the elderly would significantly boost his credibility among all citizens, especially his supporters. Likewise, an article by a musician showing that he also regularly spends time on drawing on the weekends would showcase his talents and attract more fans. On the contrary, there are valid reasons for newspapers to be controlled on exposing people’s private life. Firstly, the flaw aspects of individuals should not be shared publicly as it will damage their image. For instance, a piece of news about the love affair of an actress will cause a massive scandal resulting in a decrease in her reputation. Similarly, the extravagant liveliness of a royal member when unveiled would bring an abomination to him and the entire royal family. Moreover, the uncontrolled publicity of private details means that people’s lives are being illegally invaded and recorded, which may be against their will and certainly violate the law of privacy. Therefore, every publisher should be strongly restricted in recording and sharing private lives unless they acquire people’s permission. In conclusion, while some people accept the news coverage of their personal life for promoting purposes, others believe publishers should be strictly controlled as non-permitted publicity of private details might rather harm their reputation.
Opinions differ
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
hold the right to publicize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
personal life or strict control should
be put
upon such an action. This essay will discuss two opposing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is understandable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support the publication of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
. One reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals,
especially
celebrities and political figures, would want to have their name
widely
known.
Thus
, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
to write articles about their daily healthy routines to cultivate interests of the mass population.
For example
, the publicity of a prominent politician’s pastime of charity or helping the elderly would
significantly
boost his credibility among all citizens,
especially
his supporters.
Likewise
, an article by a musician showing that he
also
regularly
spends time on drawing on the weekends would showcase his talents and attract more fans.

On the contrary
, there are valid reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
to
be controlled
on exposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
life.
Firstly
, the flaw aspects of individuals should not
be shared
publicly
as it will damage their image.
For instance
, a piece of news about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
affair of an actress will cause a massive scandal resulting in a decrease in her reputation.
Similarly
, the extravagant liveliness of a royal member when unveiled would bring an abomination to him and the entire royal family.
Moreover
, the uncontrolled publicity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are being
illegally
invaded and recorded, which may be against their will and
certainly
violate the law of privacy.
Therefore
, every publisher should be
strongly
restricted in recording and sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
unless they acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
permission.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accept the news coverage of their personal life for promoting purposes, others believe publishers should be
strictly
controlled as non-permitted publicity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
might
rather
harm their reputation.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the media(such as newspaper) should be allowed to publish information about people's private lives. Other, however, think that there should be controls to stop the media publishing this kind of information. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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