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Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. v. 3
Cutting-edge technology has been upgrading the modern lifestyle with its widespread availability. Some analysts claim that it is the cause of widening the gap between the affluent and the indigent, while others opine the opposite view. However, In my opinion, I would consent to the former notion that the more earning people attain more amenities of the advanced technology, eventually, rich people become richer while the poor become poorer. On one side of the argument, some people believe that the distance between the wealthy people and the impoverished has been enhancing gradually because of having less trouble to access sophisticated technology. This is because modern facilities are significantly expensive, and sometimes only affordable for rich people. To exemplify, modern appliances such as washing machine, vacuum cleaner, air conditioner, etc. have brought more convenience in the regular life. Thus, only the wealthy person can make it possible to lead a better life with the aid of up-to-date technology. One the other hand, others provide the opposing case that the diverse range of modern avails can generate a balanced society. The reason for their belief is that the leading-edge technology creates numerous online job opportunities such as online food delivery service, online riding service and so on. Consequently, this advancement makes a great contribution to the poor people's livings through earning extra money. However, In my opinion, though advanced technology emanates the source of income for the poor, ultimately, the affluent acquire the amenities of this tremendously than the impoverished. For instance, all the high profile businesses can potentially afford the highly expensive necessaries to accelerate their productivity whereas the poor countries hardly manage. Therefore, the imbalance nation has been increasing because of widespread technology. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions, I firmly believe that the extreme availability of hi-tech divides the civilization into two parts, richer and poorer.
Cutting-edge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has been upgrading the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
lifestyle with its widespread availability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
analysts claim that it is the cause of widening the gap between the affluent and the indigent, while others opine the opposite view.
However
, In my opinion, I would consent to the former notion that the more earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attain more amenities of the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
eventually
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become richer while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
become poorer.

On one side of the argument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the distance between the wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the impoverished has been enhancing
gradually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having less trouble to access sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
facilities are
significantly
expensive, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affordable for rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To exemplify,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
appliances such as washing machine, vacuum cleaner, air conditioner, etc. have brought more convenience in the regular life.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the wealthy person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it possible to lead a better life with the aid of up-to-date technology.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, others provide the opposing case that the diverse range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
avails can generate a balanced society. The reason for their belief is that the leading-edge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
creates numerous online job opportunities such as online food delivery service, online riding service and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Consequently
, this advancement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a great contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's livings through earning extra money.

However
, In my opinion, though advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
emanates the source of income for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
,
ultimately
, the affluent acquire the amenities of this
Use "(tremendously)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
tremendously
than the impoverished.
For instance
, all the high profile businesses can
potentially
afford the
highly
expensive necessaries to accelerate their productivity whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
countries hardly manage.
Therefore
, the imbalance nation has been increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of widespread technology.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinions, I
firmly
believe that the extreme availability of hi-tech divides the civilization into two parts, richer and poorer.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
310 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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