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Some people think that the media such as newspaper should be allowed to publish information of people’s private life. Others however, think that there should be controls to stop this media from publishing this kind of information. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the media such as newspaper should be allowed to publish information of people’s private life. Others however, think that there should be controls to stop this media from publishing this kind of information. v. 1
Nowadays media have covered the major part of the communication world. A segment of people thinks that in newspapers, private life of the public can be discussed and few think that they should be stopped in publishing such information. In further paragraph I would like to examine both the points and give my opinion regarding it. To begin with, almost every person is related to the media rather be newspaper or online source. Through such media we get to know what is going on in the world and in daily life's of people, especially celebrity people. Many even give data regarding their personal lives. Sometimes it even beneficial for the industry people and some do it purposely to be in the market. However, a line should be maintained. For instance, the downside of one of the famous personality was discussed daily in newspapers including the negative comments of the public, which affected the individual so immensely that the person become a drug addict. Therefore, balance should be maintained in the media. On the other side, many think that private life information should be limited in newspaper. News like what kind of healthy lifestyles the famous person follows, their fashion statements, the release of the new movies or the launch of branded products, new achievement of sports person and the struggle that they have done to reach the level should be published and discussed in newspapers. Through this public can follow and learn better things from them, rather than discussing personal life on national media. Some controls should be imposed by the government to control such publications. To sum up, in my opinion, I think everybody requires some space in their personal life. Being celeb or the person for public entertainment does mean that they are public property. So according to me the control should be there on publishing private information of people.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have covered the major part of the communication world. A segment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinks
that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
, private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
can
be discussed
and few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
in publishing such information. In
further
paragraph I would like to examine both the points and give my opinion regarding it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, almost every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is related
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
rather
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
or online source. Through such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know what is going on in the world and in daily life's of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
celebrity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
even give data regarding their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
even beneficial for the industry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do it
purposely
to be in the market.
However
, a line should
be maintained
.
For instance
, the downside of one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personality
was discussed
daily in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
including the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
comments of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
immensely
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
become a drug addict.
Therefore
, balance should
be maintained
in the media.

On the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
information should
be limited
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
. News like what kind of healthy lifestyles the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
follows, their fashion statements, the release of the new movies or the launch of branded products, new achievement of sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and the struggle that they have done to reach the level should
be published
and discussed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
. Through this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
can follow and learn better things from them,
rather
than discussing personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
controls should
be imposed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to control such publications.

To sum up, in my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
everybody requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
space in their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Being celeb or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
entertainment does mean that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
property.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
according to me the control should be there on publishing private information of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the media such as newspaper should be allowed to publish information of people’s private life. Others however, think that there should be controls to stop this media from publishing this kind of information. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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