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nowadays newspaper publish information about private lives of individuals. Some people think the government should maintain control over the information that gets published, while other disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

nowadays newspaper publish information about private lives of individuals. Some people think the government should maintain control over the information that gets published, while other disagree. v. 1
Sports is a source of entertainment as well as a billion dollar industry which boosts the nation’ economy. As said by most of the viewers that it is completely all right for sports players to lash out during or after the play. I disagree with this statement. This essay will state the reasons why this practice is unethical. The majority of the youngsters emulate their idols. Which makes it evident that the harsh behaviour of sports players can have a negative influence on the people who hero-worship them. Moreover, it would certainly leave a bad impression on the younger generation and encourage them to be verbally abusive. Like, many teenagers use the kind of language which is often used by their favourite celebrities. Therefore, this type of engagement is unhealthy for people of all ages. Overall, it is unfair to conduct a match in the field permitting foul language towards the opponents. Because it invites aggression and causes distraction among the competitors. I believe that an activity should solely be based upon the talent required for the game rather than using verbal assault. Hence, it is a wrong strategy to outsmart the player. Any sort of distraction at the time of play ought to be strictly avoided. In addition to that, If a person makes frequent derogatory remarks, then it becomes an unbreakable habit which is absolutely unprofessional. For instance, some cricketers swear on the ground to either vent their feelings or to score by infuriating the rival. This system is unjustified and consequently hampers the image of the sports player. To summarise, it is essential to maintain decorum, be it an amateur or a professional. Their attitude and conduct reflect their personality. If these ways are followed, then they will be setting a bad example for their followers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
is a source of entertainment
as well
as a billion dollar industry which boosts the nation’ economy. As said by most of the viewers that it is completely all right for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players to lash out during or after the play. I disagree with this statement. This essay will state the reasons why this practice is unethical.

The majority of the youngsters emulate their idols.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it evident that the harsh
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who hero-worship them.
Moreover
, it would
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impression on the younger generation and encourage them to be
verbally
abusive. Like,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the kind of language which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
celebrities.
Therefore
, this type of engagement is unhealthy for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all ages.

Overall
, it is unfair to conduct a match in the field permitting foul language towards the opponents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it invites aggression and causes distraction among the competitors. I believe that an activity should
solely
be based
upon the talent required for the game
rather
than using verbal assault.
Hence
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
strategy to outsmart the player. Any sort of distraction at the time of play ought to be
strictly
avoided.
In addition
to that, If a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
frequent derogatory remarks, then it becomes an unbreakable habit which is
absolutely
unprofessional.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cricketers swear on the ground to either vent their feelings or to score by infuriating the rival. This system
is unjustified
and
consequently
hampers the image of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
player.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, it is essential to maintain decorum, be it an amateur or a professional. Their attitude and conduct reflect their personality. If these ways
are followed
, then they will be setting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example for their followers.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay nowadays newspaper publish information about private lives of individuals. Some people think the government should maintain control over the information that gets published, while other disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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