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In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v.7

In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 7
Although the major crime rates are falling in many countries, people feel unsafe than ever before. The main cause of this problem is technological advancement. And the most viable solution to this problem is to educate people through an awareness campaign. The principal cause of this predicament is the advancement of technology. These days, People are being bombarded with a lot of news they do not want to see as compared to the past where people did not get every report of murder or other serious crime happens in their vicinity. Now, People are getting the news as fast as it happened. And due to these news people are feeling unsafe than ever before. For example, a survey of The University of Regina found that the ratio of people who feel unsafe has increased by 30% in the last 20years. The most feasible solution to this problem is that the governments should educate their people by launching awareness programs in the media and in the schools that how the rate of crimes are going down. And People need to be told that they do not need to brood about by showing them how the governments are working on to reduce such crimes even further. For instance, the government of Vietnam carried out the same suggestion 2years before and it helped them a lot in making the situation better in Vietnam. In conclusion, although the types of news people are getting these days make them feel unsafe, it is the responsibility of the state that they should make their people understand how the situation improving from the past.
Although the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates are falling in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
Use "unsafer" to make a comparison with this adjective.
unsafe
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. The main cause of this problem is technological advancement. And the most viable solution to this problem is to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through an awareness campaign.

The principal cause of this predicament is the advancement of technology. These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
being bombarded
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
they do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
as compared to the past where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
every report of murder or other serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
happens in their vicinity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are getting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as it happened. And due to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are feeling
Use "unsafer" to make a comparison with this adjective.
unsafe
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For example
, a survey of The University of Regina found that the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unsafe
has increased by 30% in the last 20years.

The most feasible solution to this problem is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by launching awareness programs in the media and in the schools that how the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are going down. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that they do not need to brood about by showing them how the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are working on to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
even
further
.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Vietnam carried out the same suggestion 2years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them a lot in making the situation better in Vietnam.

In conclusion
, although the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unsafe
, it is the responsibility of the state that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand how the situation improving from the past.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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