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Some people think that media like newspaper should stop publishing the information about the people's private life, Others think that control to stop such publication should be put in place. Discuss both views and state your opinion. v.1

Some people think that media like newspaper should stop publishing the information about the people's private life, Others think that control to stop such publication should be put in place. v. 1
A recent trend in the world now is that newspaper house publish information on people's personal life. Although, some people have advocated for this to stop some population think that controls should instead be put in place to prevent such. In my opinion, I believe this trend cannot be stopped however it can be mitigated by putting proper controls in place. On one hand, people think that ones personal news should not find its way into the papers as it is an invasion of the masses space and right. Most times, such information  is printed in order to have a captivating headline which grabs the attention of the readers and thereby lead to greater purchase of the papers. While this is of great benefit to the publisher, this has however, caused more harm than well to the people whose data is being reported. To exemplify, it was reported by Sun Newspapers on 15th May 2018 that a popular actor 'Jim Iyke' had a child outside his home, his wife never knew of this but after reading the information in the print, she was heartbroken and this led to the break up of their marriage. All this would have been prevented if such data were not in print. On the other hand, while the media cannot be fully stopped as there is freedom of speech, some individuals think control can be put in place. Such controls include and not limted to; filtering of news before printing and fining newspapers that print personal information. For instance, the Information Bill of 1983 which provided that publishing houses should be sued for all sensitive information printed should be followed rigorously and any publisher found erring should be appropraitely punished. I believe this is the best approach and once this control is in place, and punishment is melted on a scape goat, this will serve as a form of warning to other media houses. To conclude, people's thirst for information is increasing daily. While it is important to feed this thirst, media homes should ensure that in doing this, no one is hurt and controls should be established to ensure people's well guided information are not spitting out.
A recent trend in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is that newspaper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
publish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's personal life. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have advocated for this to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "populations"?
population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
controls
should
instead
be put
in place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such. In my opinion, I believe this trend cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
however
it can
be mitigated
by putting proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
controls
in place.

On one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that ones personal news should not find its way into the papers as it is an invasion of the masses space and right. Most times, such information
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
is printed
in order to have a captivating headline which grabs the attention of the readers and thereby lead to greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of the papers. While this is of great benefit to the publisher, this has
however
, caused more harm than well to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whose data is
being reported
. To exemplify, it
was reported
by Sun Newspapers on 15th May 2018 that a popular actor 'Jim
Possible spelling mistake found.
Iyke
' had a child outside his home, his wife never knew of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after reading the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in the print, she was heartbroken and this led to the break up of their marriage. All this would have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
if such data were not in print.

On the other hand
, while the media cannot be
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
as there is freedom of speech,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
can
be put
in place. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
controls
include and not
Possible spelling mistake found.
limted
to; filtering of news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
printing and fining newspapers that print personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
Bill of 1983 which provided that publishing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
should
be sued
for all sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
printed should
be followed
rigorously
and any publisher found erring should be
Possible spelling mistake found.
appropraitely
punished. I believe this is the best approach and once this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
is in place, and punishment
is melted
on a
Possible spelling mistake found.
scape
goat, this will serve as a form of warning to other media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's thirst for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is increasing daily. While it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to feed this thirst, media homes should ensure that in doing this, no one
is hurt
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
controls
should
be established
to ensure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's well guided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
are not spitting out.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people think that media like newspaper should stop publishing the information about the people's private life, Others think that control to stop such publication should be put in place. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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