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Some people think that the media should be for entertainment only. While other people believe that media should have education value. Discuss both view and give your own view v.1

Some people think that the media should be for entertainment only. While other people believe that media should have education value. 1
As technology has been thriving for the past few decades, the way people communicate with others has witnessed some noticeable changes. This trend significantly influences our relationships that have been long-established by the previous generations. However, whether these changes are beneficial or harmful to our lives is still a question of controversy, which will be discussed as follows. In the first place, technology has a huge impact on our connections among with each other. Firstly, the bond between our friends as well as family members are obviously weakened because of the existence of electronic devices. Instead of starting open and joyful conversations like they used to in the past, they consistently stare at their own phones’ or computer screens, creating such a private atmosphere. Secondly, to a larger scale, the relationship between people is also damaged. To be more exact, the former generations seemed to be more compassionate and thoughtful since they paid more attention to others’ concerns or feelings. By contrast, a great number of youngsters, even adults nowadays indifferent to others’ sufferings because they are busy with their personal phones. Despite the vigorous development of technology has negatively affected some of our relationships, it still shows advantageous improvements. For instance, hi-tech devices make the world smaller. As a result, we can easily talk to our beloved ones in foreign countries regularly. In addition to the first argument, technology has also alleviated our lives. Many labour-intensive tasks are now done by machines, as well as several energy-consuming jobs like mining or constructing a building. Although it has brought many drawbacks to how we communicate, technology is undeniably favourable in many particular fields. To conclude, technology has changed our interaction with others in a quite harmful way. However, whether this is a good or bad development, it depends on the way we see and utilize it.
As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has been thriving for the past few decades, the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
communicate with others has witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
noticeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. This trend
significantly
influences our relationships that have been long-established by the previous generations.
However
, whether these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are beneficial or harmful to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is
still
a question of controversy, which will
be discussed
as follows.

In the
first
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has a huge impact on our connections among with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Firstly
, the bond between our friends
as well
as family members are
obviously
weakened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the existence of electronic devices.
Instead
of starting open and joyful conversations like they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to in the past, they
consistently
stare at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
phones’ or computer screens, creating such a private atmosphere.
Secondly
, to a larger scale, the relationship between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is
also
damaged. To be more exact, the former generations seemed to be more compassionate and thoughtful since they paid more attention to others’ concerns or feelings. By contrast, a great number of youngsters, even adults nowadays indifferent to others’ sufferings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are busy with their personal phones.

Despite the vigorous development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of our relationships, it
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
advantageous improvements.
For instance
, hi-tech devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world smaller.
As a result
, we can
easily
talk to our beloved ones in foreign countries
regularly
.
In addition
to the
first
argument,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
also
alleviated our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Possible spelling mistake found.
labour-intensive
tasks are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
done by machines,
as well
as several energy-consuming jobs like mining or constructing a building. Although it has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks to how we communicate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
undeniably
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
particular fields.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our interaction with others in a quite harmful way.
However
, whether this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
development, it depends on the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and utilize it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the media should be for entertainment only. While other people believe that media should have education value. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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