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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes. v. 1
Nowadays, an increasing number of people opine that it is necessary to integrate unpaid community service into high school curriculum. This idea is practical to some extent, as will be discussed as follows. In the first place, several negative consequences can arise when implementing such program. Firstly, by doing these social helping jobs without getting paid, high school students might have the feeling of dissatisfaction. If this happens regularly, especially in adverse weather such as under the scorching sunlight of summer, some will eventually find that their time and efforts have been wastefully used to gain nothing good, not even a single dollar. To be more exact, they fail to recognize the true purposes of these activities. Secondly, students are supposed to learn subjects and perform well at schools as their sole goal. Hence, some students will protest against combining these services to school mandatory curriculum. On the other hand, the main benefit of this statement is that high school students will probably be well aware of the importance of improving the life quality of society at such young age. Therefore, they will become more mature and more responsible later on. By performing unpaid community service as an obligatory aspect of education, students can have a deeper understanding about many unfortunate walks of life and be more grateful to those who are making continuous efforts to make our life better. For example, when helping to clean the surrounding environment of a particular residence, such as sweeping leaves and getting rid of litter, school students can be more compassionate towards environmental cleaners. In my view, these social helping activities can play a crucial role in the character development of students. In conclusion, I still favour this idea as its advantages outweigh its disadvantages. With a proper instruction from school managers, the original aim of this idea will be fulfilled in the long term.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that it is necessary to integrate unpaid community service into high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is practical to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, as will
be discussed
as follows.

In the
first
place, several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences can arise when implementing such program.
Firstly
, by doing these social helping jobs without getting paid, high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might have the feeling of dissatisfaction. If this happens
regularly
,
especially
in adverse weather such as under the scorching sunlight of summer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
will
eventually
find that their time and efforts have been
wastefully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to gain nothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, not even a single dollar. To be more exact, they fail to recognize the true purposes of these activities.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are supposed
to learn subjects and perform well at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as their sole goal.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will protest against combining these services to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
mandatory curriculum.

On the other hand
, the main benefit of this statement is that high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
probably
be well aware of the importance of improving the life quality of society at such young age.
Therefore
, they will become more mature and more responsible later on. By performing unpaid community service as an obligatory aspect of education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can have a deeper understanding about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unfortunate walks of life and be more grateful to those who are making continuous efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life better.
For example
, when helping to clean the surrounding environment of a particular residence, such as sweeping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and getting rid of litter,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be more compassionate towards environmental cleaners. In my view, these social helping activities can play a crucial role in the character development of students.

In conclusion
, I
still
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as its advantages outweigh its disadvantages. With a proper instruction from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
managers, the original aim of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
will
be fulfilled
in the long term.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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