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Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. v. 1
People have different views about/ as to the primary goal of schools. While I agree that schools can transform children into useful members of society, I believe that they also bring benefits to students themselves. On the one hand, turning children into useful citizens is the main purpose of schools. The primary reason is that the same core subjects such as math, literature and civic education are present in the curriculum of most schools. Children, therefore, are expected to share the same moral standards, general knowledge and skills. If all members of society were to have such criteria, society would become more stable and civilized as the crime rate would be low. If schools were to fail to equip their students with needed skills or standards, they would not become productive members of society. Thus, it is understandable why schools’ main responsibility is to producing good members of society. On the other hand, it can argued that children themselves can reap of number of benefits. When children are taught a wide range of subjects, they can have the opportunity to become more well-rounded and widen their outlook on life. This would help them to be able to adapt to a new environment in their later life. Another benefit would be that schools are a perfect environment for students to develop their communication skill. This is largely because they are enabled to make friends with their classmates and talk to them virtually on a daily basis. This skill is considered / arguably highly beneficial for social life of children. In conclusion, it is my view that schools not only produce good citizens for society but also bring benefits for each individual student.
People
have
different
views about/ as to the primary goal of
schools
. While I
agree
that
schools
can transform
children
into useful
members
of
society
, I believe that they
also
bring
benefits
to
students
themselves.

On the one hand, turning
children
into useful citizens is the main purpose of
schools
. The primary reason is that the same core subjects such as math, literature and civic education are present in the curriculum of most
schools
.
Children
,
therefore
, are
expected
to share the same moral standards, general knowledge and
skills
. If all
members
of
society
were to have such criteria,
society
would become more stable and civilized as the crime rate would be low. If
schools
were to fail to equip their
students
with needed
skills
or standards, they would not become productive
members
of
society
.
Thus
, it is understandable why
schools’
main responsibility is
to producing
good
members
of society.

On the other hand
, it can
argued
that
children
themselves can reap of number of
benefits
. When
children
are taught
a wide range of subjects, they can have the opportunity to become more well-rounded and widen their outlook on life. This would
help
them to be able to adapt to a new environment in their later life. Another
benefit
would be that
schools
are a perfect environment for
students
to develop their communication
skill
. This is
largely
because
they
are enabled
to
make
friends with their classmates and talk to them
virtually
on a daily basis. This
skill
is considered
/
arguably
highly
beneficial for social life of children.

In conclusion
, it is my view that
schools
not
only
produce
good
citizens for
society
but
also
bring
benefits
for each individual
student
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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