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Some people think the main purpose of schools is to turn the children into good citizens and workers, rather than benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Some people think the main purpose of schools is to turn the children into good citizens and workers, rather than benefit them as individuals. with this opinion? v. 1
Although, abound individuals believe that institute are responsible for teaching children to be better citizens and workers rather than developing themselves. this essay will highlight that this certainly is a rational approach that needs to be opted and thus will lead to a logical conclusion. To start with, there are myriad reasons which will further explain this arguments, but the most preponderant one stems from the fact that preparing an individual for a particular future work at an early age extremely imperative. Because, it would help him to earn a decent living. It would mean that institution teachers always discipline to kids, which always turn children into effective workers. Moreover, another pivotal aspect of this argument is that juniors go to the institute and they learn lots of new skills as well as observe the knowledge. this is to express, the leaner daily meet new students in academy time. So, easily learn new things. For example, In university life children are learning what is right and wrong for themselves and academy instills the cultural value that are shared the society. Needless to say, all these merits stand in a good stead. Elaborating my viewpoint, there are some more merits, but one of the crucial effect is that students are able to choose the subjects that best suit them. Therefore, academy education, children able to develop an understanding about the world in which they live. For instance, the tutors are trained to help children understand their strengths and improve their weaknesses. Hence, it is apparent why many are in favour of this trend. In the nutshell, according to the argument aforementioned above, one can reach to a conclusion that the benefits of study in university because, always provide positive things as well as teachers teach to the students about their rights are indeed.
Although, abound individuals believe that institute are responsible for teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be better citizens and workers
rather
than developing themselves.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
essay will highlight that this
certainly
is a rational approach that needs to
be opted
and
thus
will lead to a logical conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, there are myriad reasons which will
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
Did you mean "these"?
this
arguments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most preponderant one stems from the fact that preparing an individual for a particular future work at an early age
extremely
imperative.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to earn a decent living. It would mean that institution teachers always discipline to kids, which always turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into effective workers.
Moreover
, another pivotal aspect of this argument is that juniors go to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
institute and
they learn lots of new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as observe the knowledge.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is to express, the leaner daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new students in academy time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
easily
learn new things.
For example
, In university life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are learning what is right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
for themselves and academy instills the cultural value that
are shared
the society. Needless to say, all these merits stand in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead.

Elaborating my viewpoint, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more merits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one of the crucial effect is that students are able to choose the subjects that best suit them.
Therefore
, academy education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
able to develop an understanding about the world in which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
For instance
, the tutors
are trained
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
understand their strengths and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their weaknesses.
Hence
, it is apparent why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of this trend.

In the nutshell, according to the argument aforementioned above, one can reach to a conclusion that the benefits of study in university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, always provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things
as well
as teachers teach to the students about their rights are
indeed
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people think the main purpose of schools is to turn the children into good citizens and workers, rather than benefit them as individuals. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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