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Some people think the main purpose of schools is to benefit society by turning children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Some people think the main purpose of schools is to benefit society by turning children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. with this opinion? v. 1
Eating fast food items have become the first choice of the most people and this tendency has Increased significant among them in recent years, while in the past people did not eat these kinds of edible items. This essay will discuss the reasons why this trend Has increased as well as its detrimental impacts on human body. There are enormous causes of consuming a packed meal; however, the most important is hectic life. Most of both husband and wife are working and they have a very schedule. Therefore, they do not have enough time for cooking at home. Ready-made snack is the best option for working people because it is easily available and cheaper too, while fresh vegetables and meat are more expensive. If people have a cheaper option, then why they would prefer to buy expensive stuff. Thus, instant cuisine saves their money as well as their precious time. Although processed meal is more convenient, it has a detrimental impact on peoples' health. Junk cuisine has been considered an unhealthy meal since it consists higher fat, sugar, calories that lead to weight gain, heart attack and obesity disease. For instance, a recent survey by the United States demonstrated that 75. /. Of people suffering of obesity and related diseases because they eat junk foodstuff at daily basis. Thus, consumption of fast food stuff primary cause of various illnesses. In conclusion, this essay discussed why young people eat instant meal and its effect on their health. However, processed dishes save people, times and money, its negative impact on the body Cannot be overlooked.
Eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food items have become the
first
choice of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and this tendency has

Increased significant among them in recent years, while in the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not eat these kinds of edible items. This essay will discuss the reasons why this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
trend


Has increased
as well
as its detrimental impacts on human body.

There are enormous causes of consuming a packed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
;
however
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is hectic life. Most of both husband and wife are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
schedule.
Therefore
, they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for cooking at home. Ready-made snack is the best option for working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
easily
available and cheaper too, while fresh vegetables and meat are more expensive. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a cheaper option, then why they would prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
expensive stuff.
Thus
, instant cuisine saves their money
as well
as their precious time.

Although processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
is more convenient, it has a detrimental impact on peoples' health. Junk cuisine has
been considered
an unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
since it consists higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, sugar, calories that lead to weight gain, heart attack and obesity disease.
For instance
, a recent survey by the United States demonstrated that 75. /. Of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The usual preposition for this expression is "from" or "with." Did you mean "suffering from" or "suffering with"?
suffering of
obesity and related diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they eat junk foodstuff at daily basis.
Thus
, consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food stuff primary cause of various illnesses.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed why young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
and its effect on their health.
However
, processed dishes save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, times and money, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the body Cannot
be overlooked
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people think the main purpose of schools is to benefit society by turning children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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