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Some people believe that main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers instead of to benefit them individually. v.1

Some people believe that main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers instead of to benefit them individually. v. 1
Schools and other educational institutes are considered to be the lighthouses of a nation as they perform a great job by educating students and help build an ideal nation. If education is the backbone of a nation, schools are the places where this is shaped and polished. However, it is a never-ending debate about the main purpose of schools. I agree that a school's main purpose should be to turn students into honest and good citizens instead of turning them into selfish money making machines. First, the main purpose of education is to build up an enlightened nation where morality, honesty and integrity would be the key characteristics of the citizens. They would keep aside their personal ambition and work together for the betterment of the country. Since a school is a place where education is planted and taken care of, its main objective should be to focus on nurturing morality and good human characteristics among the students. What good will it bring to the society if a talented and experienced doctor treats patients only for the money he earns? Should not we have more professionals whose main purpose is to help others? If we want to have more people who would actually help others instead of turning into money-making machines, we should focus on our education system, especially what we teach our children. Second, states spend a lot of money to keep the schools and its education system running. A major portion of this spending comes from the tax ordinary citizens pay. From this regards, if schools plan to adopt an education system where teachers’ sole purpose would be to teach children how to be personally benefitted, the whole education system would lose its main purpose. We have to be very careful while educating children. What we teach them in their early stage would become their permanent characteristics and if the schools fail to teach them to become ideal citizens, it would be a great concern in the future. Finally, personal benefits, memorising some lessons and getting good grades should not be the main reasons children attend schools and the true personal benefits do not lie on the amount of money someone earns, rather it is defined by the happiness and morality we gain in our life. In conclusion, making ideal citizens and dedicated workers should be the true objective of our schools. The greater good of the society, bright and prosperous future of a nation and personal achievements of individuals are connected with the way we teach our children in schools and that is why our education should be focused on morality and quality.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
and other educational institutes
are considered
to be the lighthouses of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
as they perform a great job by educating students and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
build an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the backbone of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the places where this
is shaped
and polished.
However
, it is a never-ending debate about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that a school's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
should be to turn students into honest and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
instead
of turning them into selfish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
making machines.

First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to build up an enlightened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
morality
, honesty and integrity would be the key characteristics of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. They would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
aside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
ambition and work together for the betterment of the country. Since a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is planted
and taken care of, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
objective should be to focus on nurturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
morality
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
human characteristics among the students. What
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
will it bring to the society if a talented and experienced doctor treats patients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
he earns? Should not we have more professionals whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others? If we want to have more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who would actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others
instead
of turning into money-making machines, we should focus on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
,
especially
what we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
our children.

Second, states spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
running. A major portion of this spending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the tax ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
pay. From
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
plan to adopt an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
where teachers’ sole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
would be to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to be
personally
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
, the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
would lose its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful while educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. What we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them in their early stage would become their permanent characteristics and if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
fail to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them to become ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
, it would be a great concern in the future.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
benefits,
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorising' is British English.
memorising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lessons and getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grades should not be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and the true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
benefits do not lie on the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
someone earns,
rather
it
is defined
by the happiness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
morality
we gain in our life.

In conclusion
, making ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and dedicated workers should be the true objective of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. The greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
of the society, bright and prosperous future of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
achievements of individuals
are connected
with the way we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
that is
why our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be focused
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
morality
and quality.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
71Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers instead of to benefit them individually. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
436 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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