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Some People think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some People think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 2
Government all around the world are facing inevitable problems such as unemployment and the rise in crime rate. Some persons believe that the government should spend money on public facilities which includes health care, schools and public transport, rather than squandering it on arts such as museums, galleries and theatre. Although, I do not think that the amount of funding is spent on the arts by the government is wastage as it represents the country's culture. Those who advocate the expenditure of government funds on the other facilities believe that it would enhance the people's health and student's education. Firstly, when higher organisation starts spending a huge amount of money on the hospital, then this will boost the health of the local people. For example, a recent data collected from the local hospitals revealed that an advanced facilities available in the hospitals, helps the doctor to cure the vulnerable diseases. Secondly, government money when spends on the school also become beneficial for students as they get the updated education with practical skills. Moreover, highly qualified teachers are also hired by the school due availability of enough money. Thus, health of the indigenous people and school's education can be improved by the government money. However, I support the ideas of spending little amount of government on the arts as this will enrich the nations heritage and also provide livelihood to some people. To make it more clear, when such money is used for the maintenance of the museums and heritage bulidings, then more and more people from another places visit to see it. It could help in rising the number of visitors and economy growth. For instance, some developing countries started expanding some amount of government penny on the historical buildings and in return gained benefit in terms of foreign currency. Similarly, this will also opens the jobs opportunities for the local people in the form of transport or guide. Therefore, expanditure of governement on the arts is not considered wastage. In conclusion, people think that large amount of the government funds should goes to the public facilities as compared to the arts. In my opinion, museums and galleries do need some aides from government to maintain their effectiveness throughout.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
all around the world are facing inevitable problems such as unemployment and the rise in crime rate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
persons believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on public facilities which includes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care, schools and public transport,
rather
than squandering it on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as museums, galleries and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. Although, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of funding
is spent
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is wastage as it represents the country's culture.

Those who advocate the expenditure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funds on the other facilities believe that it would enhance the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and student's education.
Firstly
, when higher
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
spending a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the hospital, then this will boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, a recent data collected from the local hospitals revealed that an advanced
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "facility"?
facilities
available in the hospitals,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the doctor to cure the vulnerable diseases.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when spends on the school
also
become beneficial for students as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the updated education with practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
,
highly
qualified teachers are
also
hired by the school due availability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and school's education can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
money.

However
, I support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as this will enrich the nations heritage and
also
provide livelihood to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, when such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the maintenance of the museums and heritage
Possible spelling mistake found.
bulidings
, then more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from another places visit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it. It could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in rising the number of visitors and economy growth.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
expanding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
penny on the historical buildings and in return gained benefit in terms of foreign currency.
Similarly
, this will
also
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "open"
opens
the jobs opportunities for the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the form of transport or guide.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
expanditure
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
governement
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is not considered wastage.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funds should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "go"
goes
to the public facilities as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. In my opinion, museums and galleries do need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aides from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to maintain their effectiveness throughout.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some People think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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