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Some people think that the internet makes a person more sociable, while others think it makes a person less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the internet makes a person more sociable, while others think it makes a person less sociable. v. 1
Some would argue that people are becoming more sociable with the help of the internet, while others say that it has adversely impacted the social nature of humans. While the internet can connect with people from other nations, I believe that it is isolating individuals from their immediate surroundings. On the one hand, it is often cited that the web helps people interact not only with the users of their own country, but also with the citizens of other nationalities. For example, it is not unusual for an Indian user to chat with someone from the west. This practice, therefore, has transcended the national boundaries and is transforming the whole world into a global village in which people are learning about the western lifestyle and trying to imitate it. Hence, the internet is serving as a platform to interact with other people and broaden the social circle of an individual. I, however, believe that it makes people less sociable, as they tend to withdraw themselves from the real world and remain occupied with their online friends. On the other hand, some people believe that using the internet for socialising is cutting people off from their surroundings and I agree. It is now often seen that most of the individuals remain clung to their smartphones or computers to converse with their social media friends, isolating themselves from their family members and peers; thus, they are leading towards a sedentary lifestyle which may result in several health complications: mental as well as physical. In a research, WHO has reported that till 2030, 50 per cent children would be overweight, owing to the inactive life they are leading to. In conclusion, although the internet is helping people to interact with others on social media platforms, I believe it is making them less sociable in their real life and compelling them to live an isolated life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more sociable with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the internet, while others say that it has
adversely
impacted the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
nature of humans. While the internet can connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is isolating individuals from their immediate surroundings.

On the one hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cited that the web
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with the users of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with the citizens of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nationalities.
For example
, it is not unusual for an Indian user to chat with someone from the west. This practice,
therefore
, has transcended the national boundaries and is transforming the whole world into a global village in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are learning about the western lifestyle and trying to imitate it.
Hence
, the internet is serving as a platform to interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and broaden the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
circle of an individual. I,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less sociable, as they tend to withdraw themselves from the real world and remain occupied with their online friends.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that using the internet for
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
is cutting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
off from their surroundings and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that most of the individuals remain clung to their smartphones or computers to converse with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media friends, isolating themselves from their family members and peers;
thus
, they are leading towards a sedentary lifestyle which may result in several health complications: mental
as well
as physical. In a research, WHO has reported that till 2030, 50 per cent children would be overweight, owing to the inactive life they are leading to.

In conclusion
, although the internet is helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with others on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media platforms, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
it is making them less sociable in their real life and compelling them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
an isolated life.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people think that the internet makes a person more sociable, while others think it makes a person less sociable. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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