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some people think that the internet makes a person more sociable while other think it makes a person less sociable. discuss both views and give your opinion? v.1

some people think that the internet makes a person more sociable while other think it makes a person less sociable. v. 1
Few people argue that the internet makes an individual more linked to other individuals, whereas, others contend that it increases social distancing with other people. In this essay, I will put the lights on both advantages and disadvantages of persons interactions on the internet Nowadays, the distance might not matter to establish connection with any unknown person from the globe through the internet. There are various platforms which make social interaction so easy that an individual could share his personal information in a short duration. In addition, the internet may be beneficial to carry on video calling with different people without any physical contact. For example, the social meetings can be conducted on video conferencing to refrain from social gatherings, when a contagious disease is declared as a pandemic. This might be the factors which make the internet an imperative medium of social interaction. By contrast, opponents of the view that physical connections are stronger compared to virtual connections. Firstly, connecting with different people on the internet has various detrimental effects such as threats to privacy by fake accounts. As a result, fraud identities may misuse your personal information in illegal activities which refrain some people from establishing connections on the world web. Examples can be seen in reports which state that people these days are restraining themselves to create the accounts on social media applications to protect their personal identity. Secondly, physical friendship would be lifelong relationships, whereas virtual relations can be ceased with the removal of an account from the internet. These explanations seem to show that social relationships made physically may more stronger than connections built on the internet Overall, it seems advisable that with the help of internet distance have become short and social interaction might be feasible in the time of medical emergency. However, it also threatens the privacy of people and teaches the meaning of real friendship.
Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an individual more linked to other individuals, whereas, others contend that it increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
distancing with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this essay, I will put the lights on both advantages and disadvantages of persons interactions on the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
internet


Nowadays, the distance might not matter to establish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connection
with any unknown person from the globe through the internet. There are various platforms which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easy that an individual could share his personal information in a short duration.
In addition
, the internet may be beneficial to carry on video calling with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without any physical contact.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
meetings can
be conducted
on video conferencing to refrain from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
gatherings, when a contagious disease
is declared
as a pandemic. This might be the factors which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the internet an imperative medium of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction.

By contrast, opponents of the view that physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connections
are stronger compared to virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connections
.
Firstly
, connecting with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the internet has various detrimental effects such as threats to privacy by fake accounts.
As a result
, fraud identities may misuse your personal information in illegal activities which refrain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from establishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connections
on the world web. Examples can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in reports which state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days are restraining themselves to create the accounts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media applications to protect their personal identity.
Secondly
, physical friendship would be lifelong relationships, whereas virtual relations can
be ceased
with the removal of an account from the internet. These explanations seem to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
relationships made
physically
may
Use only "stronger" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more stronger
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connections
built on the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
internet


Overall
, it seems advisable that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet distance have become short and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction might be feasible in the time of medical emergency.
However
, it
also
threatens the privacy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and teaches the meaning of real friendship.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that the internet makes a person more sociable while other think it makes a person less sociable. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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