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Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more disadvantages than advantages? v.4

Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more disadvantages than advantages? v. 4
It is indeed true that the working pattern of employees has been changed in the last couple of decades. Many company owners and especially the person who is a manager role in the company wants work from their employees even on holidays, due to that they persistently contact them with the hope of work at all times. \this is a negative development owing to a person social responsibility as well as an adverse effect on the body. Both the demerits will discuss in forthcoming paragraphs. The foremost major disadvantage can be seen in a person's social obligation. This is because company owners are alluring their employees by giving extra money per hour, and due to that, employees work even on holiday and not keep in touch with their family. In this way, they are making people money-oriented and disturb their social life. To illustrate by exemplify, a recent survey done by the British employee association showed that 70% of people not spending enough time with their family due to overtime jobs. Another predominant demerit on the person's body. This is because of more than half the amount of the time of the day the person spent towards their daily monotonous work at the office. This will undoubtedly have negative consequences such as eyesight problems and increase metabolism due to a sedentary lifestyle. For instance, the American dietary association 2018 survey enough to make it clear that people who are living in a sedentary lifestyle by spending most of their time at the office have more metabolism rates than a person who is doing regular exercise. Hence, its severe consequences on personal health if they spend their time mostly in the office. In conclusion, it can be inferred that employers this detrimental approach affects personal health as we as social life. Therefore, it is essential to understand for an individual to spend time wisely in office and make life better.
It is
indeed
true that the working pattern of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in the last couple of decades.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
owners and
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who is a manager role in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
wants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
even on holidays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to that they
persistently
contact them with the hope of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. \this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development owing to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibility
as well
as an adverse effect on the body. Both the demerits will discuss in forthcoming paragraphs.

The foremost major disadvantage can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
obligation. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
owners are alluring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
by giving extra money per hour, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even on holiday and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their family. In this way, they are making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
money-oriented and disturb their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life. To illustrate by exemplify, a recent survey done by the British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
association
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 70% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to overtime jobs.

Another predominant demerit on the person's body. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of more than half the amount of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the day the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
spent towards their daily monotonous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at the office. This will
undoubtedly
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences such as eyesight problems and increase metabolism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to a sedentary lifestyle.
For instance
, the American dietary association 2018 survey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are living in a sedentary lifestyle by spending most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at the office have more metabolism rates than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who is doing regular exercise.
Hence
, its severe consequences on personal health if they spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
mostly
in the office.

In conclusion
, it can
be inferred
that employers this detrimental approach affects personal health as we as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life.
Therefore
, it is essential to understand for an individual to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wisely
in office and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life better.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more disadvantages than advantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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