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Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 1
Technology has grown rapidly over-last few years. It uncovered many new ways of communicating with other people around the world. Consequently, it has taken away the physical presence essential in building relations with others in the past. In my opinion, I will discuss how this affects the social lives of individuals. Digital communication advanced exponentially in recent years. It changed the way we communicate and share information with friends, families, and others. Simultaneously, technology bought about possibilities in introducing new people, using social media and other interactive applications like Facebook and Instagram. Isolated people, now get an opportunity to meet like-minded people irrespective of their location. Exchanging of ideas and working together on challenging problems is more fun, with the aid of video calling and messaging over the internet. In recent years, the trend of meeting and chatting with others became a common practice. However, technology did not fill the gap of bringing and building relationships but also taken away face-to-face interactions and trust experience from the past. In other words, people met and interacted with each other regularly. This personal communication is needed in developing very strong relationships that could last for a lifetime. Peoples Trust is also put into jeopardy when meeting new people because of identity issues that are common in the world of the internet. Furthermore, the experience of physically meeting and understanding each other can never be a substitute for modern methods of communication. In conclusion, technology played a vital role in meeting new people from different places at the ease of personal comfort. Moreover, it did not provide a fully equipped solution for building meaningful bonds among people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has grown
rapidly
over-last few years. It uncovered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ways of communicating with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world.
Consequently
, it has taken away the physical presence essential in building relations with others in the past. In my opinion, I will discuss how this affects the social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of individuals.

Digital communication advanced
exponentially
in recent years. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way we communicate and share information with friends, families,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
Simultaneously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
about possibilities in introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, using social media and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
interactive applications like Facebook and Instagram. Isolated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
like-minded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
irrespective of their location. Exchanging of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and working together on challenging problems is more fun, with the aid of video calling and messaging over the internet. In recent years, the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
and chatting with others became a common practice.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
did not
The usual prepositions to use after "fill" is 'with' not "the" Did you mean "fill the gap with"?
fill the gap of
bringing and building relationships
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
taken away face-to-face interactions and trust experience from the past. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
met and interacted with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
regularly
. This personal communication
is needed
in developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong relationships that could last for a lifetime.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Peoples
Trust is
also
put into jeopardy when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of identity issues that are common in the world of the internet.
Furthermore
, the experience of
physically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
and understanding each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
can never be a substitute for modern methods of communication.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
played a vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of personal comfort.
Moreover
, it did not provide a
fully
equipped solution for building meaningful bonds among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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