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There are severe social consequences to housing shortages in cities and only the government can solve these problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

There are severe social consequences to housing shortages in cities and only the government can solve these problems. v. 2
The housing crisis in some urban areas has caused critical consequences. Due to the recent event, there has been a popular assumption that the only source can tackle the problem is the government. I share the same perspective on the matter. The burgeoning number of people chose to settle in cities result in its being overpopulation at the time being is at an alarming rate. With more and more people rush into the cities every year in order to find jobs and study, the shortage in the real estate market is inevitable. Careful planning of cities is required to address the issue and obviously, only the government has the power to address this problem. In fact, in Canada, their government had restricted the ability to settle in big cities such as Toronto or Montreal, which had been proven to be effective. Overpopulation is not the only cause of this crisis. According to some recent research in social studies, it seems that people have the tendency of amassing their assets which include houses and apartments. The studies show that one in every 15 people possess more than a house, which is concerning in light of the circumstances. This is a matter that only the government can take action because of the fact that people have no choice but to abide by the laws. As a matter of fact, in Tokyo, the government of Japan has restricted the number of houses a person can possess. The aforementioned method has been in use for 3 years and it had made a marked progress in solving the housing shortage. To recapitulate, the housing shortage has caused several severe social problems. However, the government has been addressing the problem in effective ways
The housing crisis in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
urban areas has caused critical consequences. Due to the recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, there has been a popular assumption that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
source can tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. I share the same perspective on the matter.

The burgeoning number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chose to settle in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
result in its being overpopulation at the time being is at an alarming rate. With more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rush into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
every year in order to find jobs and study, the shortage in the real estate market is inevitable. Careful planning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is required
to address the issue and
obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the power to address this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. In fact, in Canada, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
had restricted the ability to settle in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
such as Toronto or Montreal, which had
been proven
to be effective.

Overpopulation is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
cause of this crisis. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recent research in social studies, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the tendency of amassing their assets which include
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and apartments. The studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that one in every 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
possess more than a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, which
The verb 'concerning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is concerning
in light of the circumstances. This is a matter that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can take action
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to abide by the laws. As a matter of fact, in Tokyo, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of Japan has restricted the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
a person can possess. The aforementioned method has been in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for 3 years and it had made
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "marked progress".
a marked progress
in solving the housing shortage.

To recapitulate, the housing shortage has caused several severe social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has been addressing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in effective ways
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay There are severe social consequences to housing shortages in cities and only the government can solve these problems. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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