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Some people think that the governments of developing countries should introduce new technology to improve the quality of life, while some people believe that the best way is to develop education. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.3

Some people think that the governments of developing countries should introduce new technology to improve the quality of life, while some people believe that the best way is to develop education. 3
Opinions are divided on whether the state authorities of countries under development should invest in advanced technology or education in order to enhance citizens’ well-being. On the one hand, developing cutting-edge technology can benefit underprivileged countries’ inhabitants in two ways. Firstly, high-tech inventions can solve some of the critical issues in developing cities. For example, genetically-modified food which comes from latest technology can adapt to harsh growing conditions like areas suffered from drought or flooding areas. This can help solve the food shortage problem in some countries, so as to improve citizenry’s living standards. In addition, technology development can bring about job opportunities. Officials have to employ many people as well as getting help from developing countries if they want to have technological advancement. There will be a imparting of knowledge from developing countries to the inferior one, equipping residents with the valuable technique, allowing places to turn into a knowledge-based economy in the long run. On the other hand, some individuals contend that the impoverished countries should focus on improving the education level of civilians. The administrative parties can increase the expenditures on teaching so as to employ more qualified teachers from foreign places, teaching people standardized universal language, English. For instance, this can increase the literary rate of citizens while at the same time boosts the employability of inhabitants in the poor countries. They can get job opportunities from a large scale international firm or even work overseas. Therefore, city dwellers’ living conditions can be greatly enhanced by earning more salary from big companies. In conclusion, in my opinion, an impoverished nation cannot only rely on education improvement or technology alone to better citizens’ life quality. Only if both of them are incorporated, can locals really enjoy a good standard of living.
Opinions
are divided
on whether the state authorities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
under development should invest in advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
or education in order to enhance citizens’ well-being.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
cutting-edge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can benefit underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
inhabitants in two ways.
Firstly
, high-tech inventions can solve
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
critical issues in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
cities.
For example
,
genetically
-modified food which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can adapt to harsh growing conditions like areas suffered from drought or flooding areas. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
solve the food shortage problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
citizenry’s living standards.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
development can bring about job opportunities. Officials
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
employ
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
as getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
if they want to have technological advancement. There will be
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
imparting of knowledge from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to the inferior one, equipping residents with the valuable technique, allowing places to turn into a knowledge-based economy in the long run.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals contend that the impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should focus on improving the education level of civilians. The administrative parties can increase the expenditures on teaching
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
employ more qualified teachers from foreign places, teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
standardized universal language, English.
For instance
, this can increase the literary rate of citizens while at the same time boosts the employability of inhabitants in the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job opportunities from a large scale international firm or even work overseas.
Therefore
, city dwellers’ living conditions can be
greatly
enhanced by earning more salary from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, an impoverished nation cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rely on education improvement or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
alone to better citizens’ life quality.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
if both of them
are incorporated
, can locals
really
enjoy a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
standard of living.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the governments of developing countries should introduce new technology to improve the quality of life, while some people believe that the best way is to develop education. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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