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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.20

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 20
It is true that the governments around the world spend some resources on the objects of art, such as the theatres and conservatories. Many people consider it as a waste of money, arguing that the authorities should allocate those resources to the public sector. In my opinion, thiss argument is completely wrong and the arts should be financed even more than now. Firstly, financing the arts means that the government care own people by allowing own citizens enjoy the music and theatrical performances. Moreover, the fine arts are necessary to educate the younger generation to appreciate culture an traditions. For example, it has been proved that the studies of the arts help students to achieve better results in their fields of interests as well as to think creatively. In other words, the arts may not only be pleasant, but also very effective. Secondly, the arts are a part of the public service, as the arts attract the people from all the social groups, classes and generations. Furthermore, without the arts there is no complete life for all the people. In addition, the arts do not require many financial resources compared to other public services of a lesser significance. For instance, the international data on the fiscal issues of the OECD countries indicated that on average only 5 percent internationally is being spent annually on the state-backed theatres and concert halls. Hence, cutting finance on the arts would not make any difference. In conclusion, since there are growing tensions between the opponents and proponents of the arts' financing, many questions are being asked nowadays about the need to finance arts on an official level. However, the huge importance of the arts is undeniable and the public support for them is much needed.
It is true that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
around the world spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
resources on the objects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, such as the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and conservatories.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider it as a waste of money, arguing that the authorities should allocate those resources to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
sector. In my opinion,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thiss
argument is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be financed
even more than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Firstly
, financing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
means that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by allowing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
citizens enjoy the music and theatrical performances.
Moreover
, the fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are necessary to educate the younger generation to appreciate culture
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an tradition" or simply "traditions"?
an traditions
.
For example
, it has
been proved
that the studies of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to achieve better results in their fields of interests
as well
as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
creatively
.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be pleasant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are a part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
service, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
attract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all the social groups, classes and generations.
Furthermore
, without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
there is no complete life for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
do not require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
financial resources compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services of a lesser significance.
For instance
, the international data on the fiscal issues of the OECD countries indicated that on average
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5 percent
internationally
is
being spent
annually
on the state-backed
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and concert halls.
Hence
, cutting finance on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any difference.

In conclusion
, since there are growing tensions between the opponents and proponents of the arts' financing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions are
being asked
nowadays about the need to finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
on an official level.
However
, the huge importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is undeniable and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
support for them is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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