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Some people believe that governments in developing countries can best improve people's quality of life by introducing new technology. Others, however, believe that the best way to make life better is to provide free education for all. Discuss both of v.2

Some people believe that governments in developing countries can best improve people's quality of life by introducing new technology. Others, however, believe that the best way to make life better is to provide free education for all. 2
In this modern world, technology has made our life more convenient. Thus, it is believed by some people in developing countries is that the use of the new technology can improve their lives, so the government should give access new technology to its people. One the other hand, others think that free education for the people is more important than technology. In my opinion, both the education and the technology have tremendous effect on our lives, but the priority of free education is far higher than the new technology access. Undoubtedly, technology has a great impact on our daily life. It has made our life more easy and comfortable. For instance, the smartphones is one of the most important invention of this concurrent world. Now, we can easily communicate with people from one region to another region, which was more difficult in previous days. Internet is the another invention of modern science. Due to this invention, we can collect different data within a couple of minutes, as a result, it saves our precious time. Besides this, in the communication and health sectors, technology has outstanding effects. So, above reasons the government should give their people to access new technology. Education is the backbone of a nation. A nation can not develop without a proper education. It is the the most important sector where the governments of different countries have been spending their most of the capital. For example, in my country, the government has taken the responsibilities of the educational expenses of the students of class one to class twelve standards. The government also trying to extend this facilities to the graduate levels. Therefore, in my country, the percentage of educated people become increasing, which also gives positive impacts on our economic development. Thus, our country is developing day by day. So, providing free education to a nation will bring economic development of a country. To sum up, although the new technologies play pivotal role in our life, the impact of free education provides more crucial role for a country’s development than the technology.
In this modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more convenient.
Thus
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. In my opinion, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have tremendous effect on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the priority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is far higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
access.

Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has a great impact on our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It has made our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more easy and comfortable.
For instance
, the smartphones is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
invention of this concurrent world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, we can
easily
communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from one region to another region, which was more difficult in previous days. Internet is the another invention of modern science. Due to this invention, we can collect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
data within a couple of minutes,
as a result
, it saves our precious time.
Besides
this, in the communication and health sectors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has outstanding effects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, above reasons the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technology.

Education is the backbone of a nation. A nation can not develop without a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. It is
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sector where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have been spending their most of the capital.
For example
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has taken the responsibilities of the educational expenses of the students of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
twelve standards. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
also
trying to extend
Did you mean "these"?
this
facilities to the graduate levels.
Therefore
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the percentage of educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become increasing, which
also
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on our economic development.
Thus
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is developing day by day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to a nation will bring economic development of a country.

To sum up, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
play pivotal role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
provides more crucial role for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
development than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people believe that governments in developing countries can best improve people's quality of life by introducing new technology. Others, however, believe that the best way to make life better is to provide free education for all. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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