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Some people think painting and drawings are important as other subjects. They should be compulsory in high school education. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think painting and drawings are important as other subjects. They should be compulsory in high school education. v. 3
There is a debate as to whether young people should have full freedom in job-seeking. Some people believe that youngsters can choose any jobs as they please, while others hold a different opinion. On the one hand, if young people have a right to make their own choice, they are more likely to find jobs that suit their interest and personality. As a result, they would show more passion and motivation in their work, which makes it easier for them to succeed in their careers. Moreover, those who choose the jobs they enjoy tend to maintain harmonious relations with other people, particularly their colleagues. By contrast, if the young are compelled to accept jobs that they dislike, they may feel depressed and end up achieving nothing. On the other hand, some people argue that it is unwise to let young people choose satisfactory jobs in disregard of some realistic factors as their further development may be negatively impacted. For instance, a person may have an ideal job in his or her mind, but in reality he or she has little choice in employment for economic reason and therefore has to work in the office in order to earn a living. And it is commonly accepted that only by doing so, can people realize their dreams in the future with sufficient funds. Thereby, young people should pay more attention to the salary and job security for their future progress. In my opinion, there is always a gap between the reality and the ideal. Although young people should be encouraged to choose their favourite jobs, material needs also need to be considered.
There is a debate
as to whether
young
people
should have full freedom in job-seeking.
Some
people
believe that youngsters can
choose
any
jobs
as they
please
, while others hold a
different
opinion.

On the one hand, if
young
people
have a right to
make
their
own
choice, they are more likely to find
jobs
that suit their interest and personality.
As a result
, they would
show
more passion and motivation in their work, which
makes
it easier for them to succeed in their careers.
Moreover
, those who
choose
the
jobs
they enjoy tend to maintain harmonious relations with other
people
,
particularly
their colleagues. By contrast, if the
young
are compelled
to accept
jobs
that they dislike, they may feel depressed and
end
up achieving nothing.

On the other hand
,
some
people
argue that it is unwise to
let
young
people
choose
satisfactory
jobs
in disregard of
some
realistic factors as their
further
development may be
negatively
impacted.
For instance
, a person may have an ideal
job
in
his or her
mind,
but
in reality he or she has
little
choice in employment for economic reason and
therefore
has to
work in the office in order to earn a living. And it is
commonly
accepted
that
only
by doing
so
, can
people
realize their dreams in the future with sufficient funds. Thereby,
young
people
should pay more attention to the salary and
job
security for their future progress.

In my opinion, there is always a gap between the reality and the ideal. Although
young
people
should
be encouraged
to
choose
their
favourite
jobs
, material needs
also
need to
be considered
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think painting and drawings are important as other subjects. They should be compulsory in high school education. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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