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Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and culture events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and culture events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. v. 2
Nowadays, in this competitive and modern world, there are some debates about importance of art and culture in people`s life. Hence, circumstance of spending money in art, culture and other things in all countries is a prominent challenge for governments. Some social experts believe that to be a successful society, first of all governments should improve the level of culture in countries and in this attitude they should not neglect the importance of art events definitely. In their opinion, cultural events are the foundation of developments in all societies. As a consequence, these experts are unanimous in spending money in culture and art by governments and they emphasize that all governments should predict sufficient money for these events in their annual budget. Furthermore, some artistic experts think that in addition to social benefits of arts, artworks like cinema, music, theater and something like them, have some considerable mental effects on people`s life and because of that they try to persuade governments to invest money for this phenomenon. On the other hand, some economic experts insist that victorious countries invest money to distribute their improvements on economical and industrial indicators. According to last economic reports in European developed countries like Germany more than 85% annual budget is allocated to expanding industrial and economic developments and culture events has less than 5% quota of their budget. Comprehensive investigations in undeveloped countries illustrated that because of poverty, majority of people are reluctant to pursue cultural and artistic activities totally. Additionally, most economists in all over the world claim that generally economic extension cause to improving and facilitating all categories of people`s life undoubtedly. In conclusion, in this century success has several criteria and for majority of people and most governments economic indexes are more important absolutely. I think although economic situation in societies is very important, culture and art events are very essential for development in society as fundamental requirements.
Nowadays, in this competitive and modern world, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
debates about importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
life.
Hence
, circumstance of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and other things in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is a prominent challenge for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
believe that to be a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and in this attitude they should not neglect the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
definitely. In their opinion, cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are the foundation of developments in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. As a consequence, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
are unanimous in spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
governments and
they emphasize that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should predict sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in their annual budget.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
in addition
to social benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, artworks like cinema, music, theater and something like them, have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerable mental effects on
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
life and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that they try to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for this phenomenon.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
insist that victorious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to distribute their improvements on economical and industrial indicators. According to last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
reports in European developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Germany more than 85% annual budget
is allocated
to expanding industrial and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
developments and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
has less than 5% quota of their budget. Comprehensive investigations in undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
illustrated that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poverty,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reluctant to pursue cultural and artistic activities
totally
.
Additionally
, most economists in all over the world claim that
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
extension cause to improving and facilitating all categories of
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
life
undoubtedly
.

In conclusion
, in this century success has several criteria and for
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
indexes are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
absolutely
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
situation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as fundamental requirements.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and culture events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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