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Some people think that students at school and university can learn more from teachers and lessons than from TV and the internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that students at school and university can learn more from teachers and lessons than from TV and the internet. v. 1
It is argue that students from all levels of education could learn less from TV and internet than from teachers and lessons. In my opinion, I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. One the one hand, I admit that the benefits are more substantial reasons related to learning both from TV and the internet. With regard to the former, it is often possible to expand our knowledge of historical events throughout historical movies. For instance, there are epic films such as “Gone with the wind” help us to have an insight about what occurred in world war, which would be significant for us to learn. For the internet, it is an ultimate source of information where people are able to get invaluable online education tools from different websites to explore the other parts of the world which beyond our normal knowledge. Notwithstanding aforementioned arguments that, I completely believe that learn lessons by face-to-face our teachers are of great importance for students. This is because the participation in class has an opportunity to be not only a discussion with their teacher, but also to ask questions that they have just learn. The other advantages should be taken into account is that some fields require the students to have several practical skills like surgery and airplane mechanics, which means that they are unable to learn just by watching movies or accessing to the internet since this would put their life at risk. In conclusion, although learning through TV and the internet are considered to be a fine way, I absolutely believe that the role of teachers and lesson should be more emphasized than those.
It is
Consider using a past participle here: "argued".
argue
that students from all levels of education could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
less from TV and internet than from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and lessons. In my opinion, I
wholeheartedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, I admit that the benefits are more substantial reasons related to learning both from TV and the internet. With regard to the former, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
possible to expand our knowledge of historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
throughout historical movies.
For instance
, there are epic films such as “
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Gone with
the wind”
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to have an insight about what occurred in world war, which would be significant for us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
. For the internet, it is an ultimate source of information where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
invaluable online education tools from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
websites to explore the other parts of the world which beyond our normal knowledge.

Notwithstanding aforementioned arguments that, I completely believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
lessons by face-to-face our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are of great importance for students. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the participation in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
has an opportunity to be not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a discussion with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to ask questions that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
. The other advantages should
be taken
into account is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields require the students to have several practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like surgery and airplane mechanics, which means that they are unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by watching movies or accessing to the internet since this would put their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

In conclusion
, although learning through TV and the internet
are considered
to be a fine way, I
absolutely
believe that the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and lesson should be more emphasized than those.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think that students at school and university can learn more from teachers and lessons than from TV and the internet. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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