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Some people believe that teenagers should study all school subjects while others claim that they should focus on the subjects they are best at or they are interested in. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that teenagers should study all school subjects while others claim that they should focus on the subjects they are best at or they are interested in. v. 1
Opinions are divided on whether allowing high school students to choose subjects which they want to study or requiring all subjects. Although it is usually a good choice to educate them on diverse fields, I strongly believe that the subjects they are interested in would be better. On the one hand, different various areas bring tremendous benefits because of several reasons linked to bright prospects and lessen the mistakes. With regard to the first idea, by collecting all school subjects provide young adults with basic knowledge to have a better insight about specialized areas they plan to pursue after high school so that they have more opportunity to get ideal jobs in the future. The second point is that most of them are immature and unable to resist the temptations so they are not ready to make an important decision, which can lead them to study a wrong way and make a lot of knock-on effects easily. Aside from aforementioned arguments, my belief is that it is more useful for teenage students focusing on some fields that they really want to. This is because after finishing primary education, students are able to be aware of these subjects they adore and they intend to make an effort to study them with full of energy in order to get good results. Further evidence is seen in the fact that the more teachers teach them some areas they do not like, the more likely they neglect them and feel bored. As a consequence that they would not stick with their studies and become poor qualified. In conclusion, I would argue that there is a lot of way to teach teenager students in high school. However, requiring them to study the disciplines they would like to can be more realistic than all disciplines.
Opinions
are divided
on whether allowing high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
or requiring all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Although it is
usually
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice to educate them on diverse fields, I
strongly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they
are interested
in would be better.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
various areas bring tremendous benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons linked to bright prospects and lessen the mistakes. With regard to the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, by collecting all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
provide young adults with basic knowledge to have a better insight about specialized areas they plan to pursue after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they have more opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ideal jobs in the future. The second point is that most of them are immature and unable to resist the temptations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are not ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decision, which can lead them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knock-on effects
easily
.

Aside from aforementioned arguments, my belief is that it is more useful for teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
focusing on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields that they
really
want to. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after finishing primary education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are able to be aware of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
adore and
they intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
them with full of energy in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results.
Further
evidence is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the fact that the more teachers teach them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas they do not like, the more likely they neglect them and feel bored. As a consequence that they would not stick with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and become poor qualified.

In conclusion
, I would argue that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
way to teach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
However
, requiring them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the disciplines they would like to can be more realistic than all disciplines.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should study all school subjects while others claim that they should focus on the subjects they are best at or they are interested in. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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