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Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and culture events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and culture events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. v. 1
In today's era, many parts has been affected by the use of technology. The most affected area is the way people communicate with each other. The essay will discuss the way how it changed feelings and its positive and negative impact on the society and the world. To begin with, using technology as a way of communication has affected person’s life positively. Firstly, it save’s time and money as a person can make contact using chat application, there is a need to meet their friends and family members personally. This will also make possible to connect with people who live in another country as well. For example, nowadays person living in a foreign country can easily make contact with their family in India, even they can also see the house and the lifestyle of their near one’s at their home sitting in one room. Moreover, these ways of communication gives strength and courage to live far from their family members. On the other hand, the advancement of technology has been affected person’s life in a negative manner as well. Firstly, a person can make contact with such people whom they never meet as they were creating fake identity which affects a person mentally and emotionally. Most of the time purpose of such identity is to harm the person and they target the children who did not have the capability to decide what to share with some unknown people. For instance, social networking sites such as, Facebook, contains photos and all personal information which someone can get details of a particular, make a plan to harass. As a result, it creates stress and later affect the development of the person. In conclusion, while technology can make speedy communication and also saves time, but also having some drawback put the person in trouble which affect its personality, mental and social development as well.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. The most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
area is the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
communicate with each other. The essay will discuss the way how it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
feelings and its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the society and the world.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
as a way of communication has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
life
positively
.
Firstly
, it
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "saves"?
save’s
time and money as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
contact using chat application, there is a need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their friends and family members
personally
. This will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
possible to connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in another country
as well
.
For example
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
living in a foreign country can
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
contact with their family in India, even they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and the lifestyle of their near one’s at their home sitting in one room.
Moreover
, these ways of communication gives strength and courage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far from their family members.

On the other hand
, the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
life in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
manner
as well
.
Firstly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
contact with such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whom they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
as they were creating fake identity which affects a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
mentally and
emotionally
. Most of the time purpose of such identity is to harm the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person and
they target the children who did not have the capability to decide what to share with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, social networking sites such as, Facebook, contains photos and all personal information which someone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of a particular,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a plan to harass.
As a result
, it creates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and later affect the development of the person.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
speedy communication and
also
saves time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "drawbacks"?
drawback
put the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in trouble which affect its personality, mental and social development
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and culture events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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