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Some people believe children should participate in team sports instead of individual sports. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe children should participate in team sports instead of individual sports. v. 1
While renovating your place, the most vital thing is, considering inner advantage than outside looks when planning a skyscraper, the most vital aspect is usefulness of the building rather than it’s exterior looks. I partially agree with the notion because interior will provide comfort, whereas, exterior shall provide pride for the area. On the one side, I agree for internal factor of the building is to live comfortably. People build houses not to flaunt to the other, but to stay without any difficulty. The design of the interior and the equipment inside the home is for self satisfaction. For instance, As per a study most researcher have concluded that, 95% of the people built their tower to have a comfortable living. Hence this is the most common reason why most individual spent huge sums of money for construction, specifically for the in part of the home. On the other side, I also disagree with the external part of the tower to get a fame in the locality. Most people construct their home to show up to another and to bring pride to the nation. Hence the massive amount is spent on the exterior using unique architecture. For instance, Burg Khalifa skyscraper in Dubai, UAE, Is the tallest tower in the world and that tower is considered as one of the wonders in the world and this has brought fame to the country. In conclusion, Although some people agree for interior design for living comfortably. Others disagree as the exterior engineering of the building to bring name for the country. Therefore, Due to this reason I partially agree.
While renovating your place, the most vital thing is, considering inner advantage than outside looks when planning a skyscraper, the most vital aspect is usefulness of the building
rather
than it’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exterior
looks. I
partially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
interior will provide comfort, whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exterior
shall provide pride for the area.

On the one side, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
for internal factor of the building is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
not to flaunt to the other,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to stay without any difficulty. The design of the interior and the equipment inside the home is for
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self satisfaction
.
For instance
, As per a study most researcher have concluded that, 95% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
built their tower to have a comfortable living.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
this is the most common reason why most individual spent huge sums of money for construction,
specifically
for the in part of the home.

On the other side, I
also
disagree with the external part of the tower to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a fame in the locality. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
construct their home to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up to another and to bring pride to the nation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the massive amount
is spent
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exterior
using unique architecture.
For instance
, Burg Khalifa skyscraper in Dubai, UAE, Is the tallest tower in the world and that tower
is considered
as one of the wonders in the world and this has brought fame to the country.

In conclusion
, Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
for interior design for living
comfortably
. Others disagree as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exterior
engineering of the building to bring name for the country.
Therefore
, Due to this reason I
partially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe children should participate in team sports instead of individual sports. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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