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Some people think that hobbies should be linked with technology, while others believe that it is not necessary for hobbies to be involved with technology. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examp v.1

Some people think that hobbies should be linked with technology, while others believe that it is not necessary for hobbies to be involved with technology. 1
It is believed in certain companies that employees should care more about how they dress to work, while other companies appreciate the quality of work an employee has to offer. In my opinion, our appearances matter depending on the job acquired, however, is more important that a company focuses on delivering great services. Appearances are usually considered in jobs that require employees to interact constantly with clients, for example, marketing, human resources or trade. The reason this is important is because outfits work as an expression of personality, and allow employees to have a sense of empowerment. Some employees believe that wearing a suit is like an armoire that makes them invincible. Besides, looking presentable gives clients the illusion that an employee is organized and responsible. By contrast, a good quality service helps a company grow. When appearances do not take into consideration, customers see an employee as a human being, not as a service. This creates a sense of comfort, which helps companies develop better and stronger relationships with its clients. Therefore, customers are more willing to remain loyal to one company. From my experience, I believe both are important. When I am dressed appropriately for an occasion, for example a meeting, I have noticed that my colleagues tend to focus more on what I am trying to communicate. This means that people might be taken more seriously depending on what they are wearing. However, quality should always be of significant importance, because at the end of the day a company is selling a product or service, not a style. In conclusion, companies should strive for a balance between appearances and quality, but the latter should be emphasized more in the future development of a company.
It
is believed
in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should care more about how they dress to work, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
appreciate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of work an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
offer. In my opinion, our appearances matter depending on the job acquired,
however
, is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
focuses on delivering great services.

Appearances are
usually
considered in jobs that require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to interact
constantly
with clients,
for example
, marketing, human resources or trade. The reason this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
outfits work as an expression of personality, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to have a sense of empowerment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
believe that wearing a suit is like an
Possible spelling mistake found.
armoire
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them invincible.
Besides
, looking presentable gives clients the illusion that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is organized
and responsible.

By contrast, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
service
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
grow. When appearances do not take into consideration, customers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
as a human being, not as a service. This creates a sense of comfort, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
develop better and stronger relationships with its clients.
Therefore
, customers are more willing to remain loyal to one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

From my experience, I believe both are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. When I
am dressed
appropriately
for an occasion,
for example
a meeting, I have noticed that my colleagues tend to focus more on what I am trying to communicate. This means that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might
be taken
more
seriously
depending on what they are wearing.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
should always be of significant importance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is selling a product or service, not a style.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should strive for a balance between appearances and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the latter should
be emphasized
more in the future development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people think that hobbies should be linked with technology, while others believe that it is not necessary for hobbies to be involved with technology. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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