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Some people use the Internet to search for solutions to their medical problems. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples from your experience. v.4

Some people use the Internet to search for solutions to their medical problems. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples from your experience. v. 4
Indeed, nowadays cell phones are no longer a luxury, but a necessity for the whole world. While some argue that face to face communication among people has been destroyed due to advancement in technology like mobile phones, I, however, agree with this view for two main reasons. One reason in terms of disappearing internal communication is being less socialized with family, friends and society. The advent of technology has not only made new generation extreme addicted that they are not able to talk with their family members who sit next to them, but also it makes them less communicative with neighbours. As a result, they tend to be on the verge of wiping out social interaction. Avoiding outdoor activities are another reason which has a deleterious effect on social communication. Owing to the technological era, many children often seem to be busy in playing video games as well as youngsters frequently spend the whole time on social networking sites such as Facebook, Instagram, WhatsUp and so on. Consequently, children run out their extracurricular activities and teenagers miss out the chance to hang out with friends which makes them obese. For example, a survey conducted by the BBC found that 67% of the world population is facing obesity due to spending time with social networking sites and playing video games. In conclusion, not only does mobile phones restrict people from socialising but also it leads them towards health issue like obesity which is inevitable. Therefore, I strongly agree with the view that mobile phones have a harmful impact on social interaction.
Indeed
, nowadays cell
phones
are no longer a luxury,
but
a necessity for the whole world. While
some
argue that face to face communication among
people
has
been
destroyed
due to advancement in technology like mobile
phones
, I,
however
,
agree
with this view for two main reasons.

One reason in terms of disappearing internal communication is being less socialized with family, friends and society. The advent of technology has not
only
made new generation extreme addicted that they are not able to talk with their family members who sit
next
to them,
but
also
it
makes
them less communicative with
neighbours
.
As a result
, they tend to be on the verge of wiping out
social
interaction.

Avoiding outdoor activities are another reason which has a deleterious effect on
social
communication. Owing to the technological era,
many
children
often
seem to be busy in playing video games
as well
as youngsters
frequently
spend the whole time on
social
networking sites such as Facebook, Instagram,
WhatsUp
and
so
on.
Consequently
, children run out their extracurricular activities and
teenagers
miss out the chance to hang out with friends which
makes
them obese.
For example
, a survey conducted by the BBC found that 67% of the world population is facing obesity due to spending time with
social
networking sites and playing video games.

In conclusion
, not
only
does mobile
phones
restrict
people
from
socialising
but
also
it leads them towards health issue like obesity which is inevitable.
Therefore
, I
strongly
agree
with the view that mobile
phones
have a harmful impact on
social
interaction.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Some people use the Internet to search for solutions to their medical problems. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples from your experience. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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