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Some people think that the government should increase the tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that the government should increase the tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. v. 1
It is considered that imposing higher taxes on junk foods would allow people to consume healthier foods. However, I strongly believe that this is not the most effective way to solve this. To begin with, higher taxes on unhealthy foods mean increase in prices on commodities, yet only poor people would likely be affected on this matter. Moreover, this movement would cause inconvenience to working employees because the time they can spend personally or with their families would be only used to prepare foods at home. Finally, higher taxes will not discourage affluent consumers, especially the rich ones, from buying fast foods. They will still continue to consume, hence, increasing the tax on these foods will have only a marginal effect on its consumption. Perhaps a better solution is to make healthy foods more available and affordable. People nowadays are totally aware of the consequences of eating too much foods which are not nutritious. As a matter of fact, more people are more inclined to eat fruits, vegetables and other kind of healthier foods, but the lack of supply and excessive prices in the marketplace hinder the people to purchase these foods. As a result, buying from fast food chains becomes the alternative because it is more convenient and cheaper. As a summary, I am against to increase taxes on unhealthy foods will only deter low income earners from buying them. A better way to help reduce consumption of these foods is to make the healthier alternative more affordable and convenient.
It
is considered
that imposing higher
taxes
on junk
foods
would
allow
people
to consume healthier
foods
.
However
, I
strongly
believe that this is not the most effective way to solve this.

To
begin
with, higher
taxes
on unhealthy
foods
mean increase in prices on commodities,
yet
only
poor
people
would likely be
affected
on this matter.
Moreover
, this movement would cause inconvenience to working employees
because
the time they can spend
personally
or with their families would be
only
used
to prepare
foods
at home.
Finally
, higher
taxes
will not discourage affluent consumers,
especially
the rich ones, from buying
fast
foods
. They will
still
continue to consume,
hence
, increasing the
tax
on these
foods
will have
only
a marginal effect on its consumption.

Perhaps a better solution is to
make
healthy
foods
more available and affordable.
People
nowadays are
totally
aware of the consequences of eating too
much
foods
which are not nutritious. As a matter of fact, more
people
are more inclined to eat fruits, vegetables and other kind of healthier
foods
,
but
the lack of supply and excessive prices in the marketplace hinder the
people
to
purchase
these
foods
.
As a result
, buying from
fast
food
chains becomes the alternative
because
it is more convenient and cheaper.

As
a summary, I am against to increase
taxes
on unhealthy
foods
will
only
deter low income earners from buying them. A better way to
help
reduce
consumption of these
foods
is to
make
the healthier alternative more affordable and convenient.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should increase the tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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