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Some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. v. 2
With the burgeoning number of people getting corpulent and having gastrointestinal illnesses due to junk foods and fizzy drinks, I argue that the legislators should impose heavy levies on those harmful products to exhort the public to embark on dietary habits while the others opine that it is their legal rights to make decisions on their lives, especially their food consumptions. On the one hand, levying such taxes would provoke grievances among the whole society. They work hard to augment their remuneration so as to fulfil their desires regarding food and drinks, so being charged with high costs is undoubtedly considered as inequality. Moreover, processed foods such as hamburgers, pizzas, . . To name but a few are often sold at affordable prices, which are suitable for the middle-class workers and students as these people do not have the financial capacity to go to the restaurant as well as time to prepare their meals, so they have to end up purchasing these harmful yet low-price products. Moreover, increasing taxes on these snacks seems to make no differences to the eating habit of the affluent class owing to the fact that such extra fees would be deemed small to these well-off while it is the poorer segment of the society who will suffer from the increasing high food expenses. On the other hand, I think that if raising taxes on unhealthy snack succeed to persuade citizens into healthy eating habits, it would enhance and improve inhabitants’ social lives. This is because the increasing number of people starting eating healthy would avoid ailments include obesity-related illnesses, leading to a reduction in spendings on healthcare services. Rather than centring on financing the treatment of those sick, more budget could be used to address the more controversial issues such as poverty or environmental problems. In addition, from an individual’s perspective, in this daily hectic life citizens tend to encounter with high level of stress and depression, having nutrient-rich meals on daily basis enables them to have the ability to mentally and physically active; therefore, they will end up leading healthy lifestyles. To conclude, it is left on each individuals' mindsets to decide on what they consume regardless of the legislators’ stringent rules or regulations, I believe that country inhabitants should be self-aware and alter their own eating habits to continue productive working life and prolong their life expectancy.
With the burgeoning number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
getting corpulent and having gastrointestinal illnesses due to junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and fizzy drinks, I argue that the legislators should impose heavy levies on those harmful products to exhort the public to embark on dietary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
while the others opine that it is their legal rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
especially
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
.

On the one hand, levying such taxes would provoke grievances among the whole society. They work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to augment their remuneration
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
fulfil their desires regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and drinks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
being charged
with high costs is
undoubtedly
considered as inequality.
Moreover
, processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
such as hamburgers, pizzas
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
To name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
sold at affordable prices, which are suitable for the middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
workers and students as these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have the financial capacity to go to the restaurant
as well
as time to prepare their meals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up purchasing these harmful
yet
low-price products.
Moreover
, increasing taxes on these snacks seems to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
no differences to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
of the affluent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
owing to the fact that such extra fees would
be deemed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
to these well-off while it is the poorer segment of the society who will suffer from the increasing high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
expenses.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if raising taxes on unhealthy snack succeed to persuade citizens into healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
, it would enhance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
inhabitants’ social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
healthy would avoid ailments include obesity-related illnesses, leading to a reduction in
Possible spelling mistake found.
spendings on
healthcare services.
Rather
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
centring
on financing the treatment of those sick, more budget could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to address the more controversial issues such as poverty or environmental problems.
In addition
, from an individual’s perspective, in this daily hectic life citizens tend to encounter with high level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression, having nutrient-rich meals on daily basis enables them to have the ability to mentally and
physically
active;
therefore
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up leading healthy lifestyles.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
on each individuals' mindsets to decide on what they consume regardless of the legislators’ stringent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
or regulations, I believe that country inhabitants should be self-aware and alter their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
to continue productive working life and prolong their life expectancy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
394 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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