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Some people thinks that government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree. v.1

Some people thinks that government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. v. 1
Nowadays the contentious argument that government authorities in a bid to increase healthy food consumption should tax junk food at a higher rate, has sparked a heated debate amongst many. I completely agree with this notion, and in this essay will explain my point of view. Firstly, increasing government levies on unhealthy food would increase the financial burden on people, hence many will divert their attention towards consuming more organic items. In order to elaborate, currently the price of a hamburger in the U. S. is comparatively cheaper than a green salad. Introduction of new taxes shall force fast food restaurants to increase their rates, which will evidently result in a consumer shift to more healthy alternatives. Secondly, once people increase the intake of healthy food products, they will become more conscious regarding their physical well-being as a result society will themselves start encouraging the use healthy items. Thirdly, regular use of junk food results in various medical complications in people, perhaps it’s the high quantity of fat it contains. Therefore the government should take necessary steps to promote the use of healthier options. On the other hand, imposing higher taxes on unhealthy food, shall indeed have a few disadvantages, particularly for some type of food industries. For example, a chocolate factory will become a victim of lower sales and profitability as a direct result of new taxes on unhealthy food items. Further, organic and healthier foods are also quite expensive in some regions of the world, as a result poor members of the society may become deprived of any type of food whether healthy or unhealthy. To conclude, food is a basic necessity of everyone and higher taxes will surely create a shift towards healthier alternatives. However the authorities should place certain controls so that the latter always remains within the buying power of poor people.
Nowadays the contentious argument that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities in a bid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at a higher rate, has sparked a heated debate amongst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion, and in this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my point of view.

Firstly
, increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
levies on unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the financial burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
hence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
will divert their attention towards consuming more organic items. In order to elaborate,
currently
the price of a hamburger in the U. S. is
comparatively
cheaper than a green salad. Introduction of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
shall force
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their rates, which will
evidently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in a consumer shift to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
alternatives.
Secondly
, once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products, they will become more conscious regarding their physical well-being as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
society will themselves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
encouraging the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
items.
Thirdly
, regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in various medical complications in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, perhaps it’s the high quantity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
it contains.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take necessary steps to promote the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of healthier options.

On the other hand
, imposing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, shall
indeed
have a few disadvantages,
particularly
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industries.
For example
, a chocolate factory will become a victim of lower sales and profitability as a direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items.
Further
, organic and healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
also
quite expensive in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions of the world, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
poor members of the society may become deprived of any type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
or unhealthy.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is a basic necessity of everyone and higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
will
surely
create a shift towards healthier alternatives.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the authorities should place certain controls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the latter always remains within the buying power of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people thinks that government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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