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Some people think that the government should decide which subjects should students study at the University while other believe that students should be allowed to apply for subjects they prefer. Discuss both views. v.1

Some people think that the government should decide which subjects should students study at the University while other believe that students should be allowed to apply for subjects they prefer. v. 1
Opinions differ on whether students should choose their course of studies by themselves at tertiary level or they might take enrolment in the subjects suggested by governing authorities. In this essay, I will analyse both points of view in the upcoming paragraphs. To initiate with, higher authorities are more likely to build a better and secure future for youngsters by selecting their course of study as they possess a vast amount of knowledge about the job opportunities in the upcoming days. So, instead of preferring common subjects for students, which are of no use in further jobs, government focus on certain unusual courses in order to create a sufficient balance with the degree holders and the work opportunities. For instance, In the small countries like Korea, where governing bodies are responsible for deciding the study areas for students, the rate of unemployment is comparatively less than in the other countries. As a result, job-seekers get more work opportunities which lead to a significant decline in the rate of unemployment. On the flip side, students can also take right decisions if they are provided enough liberty to select a course to study at University level as they are enough grown-up and matured person to study according to their own interests. To exemplify, If a person has a passion to become a doctor then he\she can not be forced to study engineering subjects. Subsequently, students not only score good grades in their evaluation tests, but also do better in their jobs which they will get after completing the relevant course. To recapitulate, government must take decisions about the education of students at a higher level by keeping in mind that it should not beyond their interests of study.
Opinions differ on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
by themselves at tertiary
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
level or
they might take
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
in the subjects suggested by governing authorities. In this essay, I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both points of view in the upcoming paragraphs.

To initiate with, higher authorities are more likely to build a better and secure future for youngsters by selecting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
as they possess a vast amount of knowledge about the job opportunities in the upcoming days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
instead
of preferring common subjects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which are of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in
further
jobs,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
focus on certain unusual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in order to create a sufficient balance with the degree holders and the work opportunities.
For instance
, In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
countries like Korea, where governing bodies are responsible for deciding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
areas for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, the rate of unemployment is
comparatively
less than in the other countries.
As a result
, job-seekers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more work opportunities which lead to a significant decline in the rate of unemployment.

On the flip side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
also
take right decisions if they
are provided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
liberty to select a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at University level as they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
grown-up and matured person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interests. To exemplify, If a person has a passion to become a doctor then he\she can not
be forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
engineering subjects.
Subsequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
score
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades in their evaluation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
do better in their jobs which they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
after completing the relevant course.

To recapitulate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take decisions about the education of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at a higher level by keeping in mind that it should not beyond their interests of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should decide which subjects should students study at the University while other believe that students should be allowed to apply for subjects they prefer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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