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Some people think that the government should decide the subject for students to study in university Others believe that students should be allowed to apply for the subject they prefer Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people think that the government should decide the subject for students to study in university Others believe that students should be allowed to apply for the subject they prefer 1
In the recent years, global tension is a challenge faced by many countries around the world. In such a situation, sporting events like Football World Cup not only help to relieve the tension but also appear to be a safe expression of patriotism. I totally agree with this statement and following are some of the reasons why I believe so. Firstly, sports are an effective way of interacting with people. The grand occasions for instance, a football match, bring spectators from many countries under one roof. This meet up helps people of different class, color and creed to intermingle with each other without any disregard for one another. Furthermore, when they meet each other in person, they realize that the extreme hatred spread by social media and news does not actually exist and it is quite possible to live in harmony and peace and breathe in stress-free air. Secondly, sporting events can be a great source of expressing love for one’s country. For example, in the tournaments of football or cricket, people enjoy cheering for their country’s team. This is because it is the best opportunity for them to share their feelings of happiness for their country. Moreover, such occasions bring immense pride and joy for the people which they can easily share with the world, without the fear of being harmed, for celebrating victory is the due right of every person. To conclude, sports can be a great source of controlling the growing tension between countries. This is because, they bring people together and make them realize the truth that they do not differ much. Therefore, survival becomes easier and this world can become a better and tension free place to live in.
In the recent years, global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tension
is a challenge faced by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. In such a situation, sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like Football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to relieve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tension
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
appear to be a safe expression of patriotism. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and following are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons why I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Firstly
, sports are an effective way of interacting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The grand occasions
for instance
, a football match, bring spectators from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
under one roof. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, color and creed to intermingle with each other without any disregard for one another.
Furthermore
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each other in person, they realize that the extreme hatred spread by social media and news does not actually exist and it is quite possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmony and peace and breathe in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free air.

Secondly
, sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
can be a great source of expressing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, in the tournaments of football or cricket,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy cheering for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
team. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the best opportunity for them to share their feelings of happiness for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
, such occasions bring immense pride and joy for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which they can
easily
share with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, without the fear of
being harmed
, for celebrating victory is the due right of every person.

To conclude
, sports can be a great source of controlling the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tension
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them realize the truth that they do not differ much.
Therefore
, survival becomes easier and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
can become a better and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tension
free place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should decide the subject for students to study in university Others believe that students should be allowed to apply for the subject they prefer 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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