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Some people say that government should decide what subjects a student can study, while other believe the students should decide what they want to study. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that government should decide what subjects a student can study, while other believe the students should decide what they want to study. v. 1
Education plays a vital role in nourishing the future generations of any nation. However, defining curriculum for the students is a very tedious task. On the one hand, few have an opinion that the government should take the responsibility of deciding the subjects, others have a viewpoint that students should themselves take a call on the subjects, they want to study. Undoubtedly, the children tend to take wrong decisions in their teenage because of the scant knowledge. Therefore, the decision to take up the course subjects on their own can have a detrimental livelong effect on them as it can be hard for them to ascertain, what is beneficial for them. Moreover, if the state decides on the subjects offered, it can focus on an all-round nourishment of a child. For instance, a student might be interested in sports, but having a basic knowledge of science, maths and the other subjects would certainly help in the future. Contrastingly, the children feel that the study should be based on the interests of an individual. Furthermore, according to the experts, about 40 percent of children fail in the subjects that they find uninteresting. Additionally, a student can excel in a particular area if the study content is decided by a student based on the engrossment. For instance, a child, intending to take up art as a profession would find other subjects boring. Thus, letting the students chose their course also has a visible positive impact. In the nutshell, the course plays an important role in an overall development of the students. Therefore, I have a viewpoint that, although students should be given liberty to take a decision on the subjects they are keen in studying, but the government should play a part to help the students chose their content wisely.
Education plays a vital role in nourishing the future generations of any nation.
However
, defining curriculum for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tedious task. On the one hand, few have an opinion that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take the responsibility of deciding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, others have a viewpoint that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should themselves take a call on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, they want to study.

Undoubtedly
, the children tend to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decisions in their teenage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the scant knowledge.
Therefore
, the decision to take up the course
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
can have a detrimental livelong effect on them as it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to ascertain, what is beneficial for them.
Moreover
, if the state decides on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
offered, it can focus on an all-round nourishment of a child.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
might
be interested
in sports,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
having a basic knowledge of science,
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
would
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the future.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Contrastingly
, the children feel that the study should
be based
on the interests of an individual.
Furthermore
, according to the experts, about 40 percent of children fail in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they find uninteresting.
Additionally
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can excel in a particular area if the study content
is decided
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
based on the engrossment.
For instance
, a child, intending to take up art as a profession would find other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
boring.
Thus
, letting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
chose their course
also
has a visible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact.

In the nutshell, the course plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in an
overall
development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Therefore
, I have a viewpoint that, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
liberty to take a decision on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they are keen in studying,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should play a part to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
chose their content
wisely
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people say that government should decide what subjects a student can study, while other believe the students should decide what they want to study. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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