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Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual people to address. We have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is to address it at an international level. To what extent do you agree or disagree with v.1

Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual people to address. We have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is to address it at an international level. with v. 1
It is an undeniable fact that social media has changed our society immensely. It is often thought by many people that it has spoiled many individuals and have had a detrimental effect on society. I totally agree with this viewpoint and following are some of the reasons why I believe so. Firstly, I believe that the excessive use of social networking sites wastes one’s precious time. People these days, especially, the younger generation, prefer using social media and they do not realize how it robs them of their valuable time. For example, youngsters spend hours and hours on Facebook watching videos and images most of which are not useful. Furthermore, they get involved with people whom they do not even know and prefer spending time chatting with them, the time which they should be utilizing on study and career. Secondly, the effect that social media especially Facebook has had on a society is also detrimental. Before the development of technology people used to sit together and value their families and friends by having face to face contact with them. However, most of the people nowadays prefer communicating through social media, which unfortunately cannot fulfill the true essence of family meet ups and friends get together. While this has not only led to disharmony in the society but has also increased the feeling of loneliness among people. To conclude, despite a tremendous development in the social networking sites, they have had an overall negative effect on both the individuals and society. They have deprived people of the idea of true relationship and have left our youngsters on the verge of failure.
It is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
immensely
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that it has spoiled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals and have had a detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint and following are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons why I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Firstly
, I believe that the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites wastes one’s precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
these days,
especially
, the younger generation, prefer using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
media and
they do not realize how it robs them of their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, youngsters spend hours and hours on Facebook watching videos and images most of which are not useful.
Furthermore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whom they do not even know and prefer spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
chatting with them, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which they should be utilizing on study and career.

Secondly
, the effect that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
especially
Facebook has had on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is
also
detrimental.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the development of technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to sit together and value their families and friends by having face to face contact with them.
However
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays prefer communicating through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, which unfortunately cannot fulfill the true essence of family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
ups and friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together. While this has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
led to disharmony in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has
also
increased the feeling of loneliness among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, despite a tremendous development in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites, they have had an
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on both the individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. They have deprived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of true relationship and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
our youngsters on the verge of failure.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual people to address. We have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is to address it at an international level. with v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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