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Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. v. 1
It is highly sensitive and debatable issue about who is responsible to reduce the criminal activities: authorities or citizens. This essay shades some light on prime responsibilities of mankinds as well as government which is followed by my opinion. To begin with, crime rate has proliferated all around the world. The major factor behind criminal activities in first world countries is the unemployment. In addition, to earn money, youngsters influence themselves to do unethical activities such as smuggling because of inadequate job opportunities. Hence, authority should try to create jobs. Apart from this, to take safety measures against crime, government can allocate more amount of budget to improve security systems in a perticular area. To exemplify, authority should try to cover each and every part of a region by CCTV cameras and monitor them for 24*7. so, people can sleep peacefully. Moreover, government should deploy more policeforce for petrolling in sensitive areas where the probability of criminal activity is high. For example, government of Delhi has increased the number of policemen at night petrolling after a heinous rape case reported in 2016. As a result, the crime rate has declined because of awareness of authorities. On contrary, some people blame that inhabitants are responsible to reduce crimes. However, people can only rely on self defence in order to protect themselves and Korea knows this very well because it is mandatory to take training of self defence such as karate and taekwondo, whereas, In India, where the awareness of self defence is not good, people can take tools which help them to protect theirselves like pepper spray. To conclude, It is irresolute to say that whose responsibility is to prevent antisocial activities. I opine that government and people both have to assimilate and contribute equally to reduce the crime.
It is
highly
sensitive and debatable issue about who is responsible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
: authorities or citizens. This essay shades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on prime responsibilities of
Possible spelling mistake found.
mankinds
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
which
is followed
by my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has proliferated all around the world. The major factor behind criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
first
world countries is the unemployment.
In addition
, to earn money, youngsters influence themselves to do unethical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as smuggling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of inadequate job opportunities.
Hence
, authority should try to create jobs. Apart from this, to take safety measures against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can allocate more amount of budget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
security systems in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
perticular
area. To exemplify, authority should try to cover each and every part of a region by CCTV cameras and monitor them for
Replace by the typographical symbol.
24*7.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can sleep
peacefully
.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should deploy more
Possible spelling mistake found.
policeforce
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
petrolling
in sensitive areas where the probability of criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is high.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of Delhi has increased the number of policemen at night
Possible spelling mistake found.
petrolling
after a heinous rape case reported in 2016.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has declined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of awareness of authorities.

On contrary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
blame that inhabitants are responsible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rely on
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self defence
in order to protect themselves and Korea knows this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is mandatory to take training of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self defence
such as karate and taekwondo, whereas, In India, where the awareness of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self defence
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take tools which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to protect
Possible spelling mistake found.
theirselves
like pepper spray.

To conclude
, It is irresolute to say that whose responsibility is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
antisocial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
assimilate and contribute
equally
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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