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Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.4

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. v. 4
One of the highly controversial issues today relates to that of corruption prevention. While some people believe that authority should take the responsibility for felony prevention, some others think that every person should be responsible for their safety and defend themselves against breach. This essay discusses why self-protection is very important, but why the role of government is more efficient in preventing cases. Self-defence is certainly one of the most efficient ways to avoid crime. Mastering certain techniques like Kungfu, Karate, Boxing can definitely help a common man protect himself and his family from criminals. For instance, in Japan, achieving a black belt in Karate is mandatory for every student because people believe in making students independent. Thus, students are made to undergo such training so that they are able to protect themselves from an unforeseen incident of violence or crime. Thus, it is easy to see why it is important to be independent and hold responsibility for preventing any criminal activity. However, not everyone can be independent, and also, the intensity of evil can be quite high. In such situations, if state tightens the rules and ensures that the police department is proactive, definitely everyone fears the punishments and tends to stay away from crime. For example, a recent survey showed that the main reason for 0. 2% crime rate in the USA is ridiculously strict rules and an intensely proactive criminal department. Thus, it goes without saying that the authority has a major responsibility in preventing crime. Reducing the crime rate is very important for creating a safe and peaceful environment in the country. This essay discussed why people should learn to be independent and acquire some self-defence techniques; nonetheless, the role of government is more important in reducing crime. In my opinion, the rules framed by the government are more efficient than self-defence in preventing crime.
One of the
highly
controversial issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
relates to that of corruption prevention. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that authority should take the responsibility for felony prevention,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that every person should be responsible for their safety and defend themselves against breach. This essay discusses why self-protection is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why the role of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is more efficient in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preventing
cases.

Possible spelling mistake. 'Self-defence' is British English.
Self-defence
is
certainly
one of the most efficient ways to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Mastering certain techniques like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kungfu
, Karate, Boxing can definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
protect himself and his family from criminals.
For instance
, in Japan, achieving a black belt in Karate is mandatory for every student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe in making students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
.
Thus
, students
are made
to undergo such training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are able to protect themselves from an unforeseen incident of violence or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Thus
, it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
why it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
and hold responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preventing
any criminal activity.

However
, not everyone can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
, and
also
, the intensity of evil can be quite high. In such situations, if state tightens the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and ensures that the police department is proactive, definitely everyone fears the punishments and tends to stay away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For example
, a recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the main reason for 0. 2%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in the USA is
ridiculously
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and an
intensely
proactive criminal department.
Thus
, it goes without saying that the authority has a major responsibility in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preventing
crime.

Reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for creating a safe and peaceful environment in the country. This essay discussed why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should learn to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
and acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake. 'self-defence' is British English.
self-defence
techniques; nonetheless, the role of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
framed by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are more efficient than
Possible spelling mistake. 'self-defence' is British English.
self-defence
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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