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Some people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe it the responsibility of individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe it the responsibility of individual to protect themselves. v. 1
Crime, in many countries, has been growing beyond the alarming rate. Hence, making it imperative to take action against. While a section of the society opines that law and order or an equally authorised body must control crime, it is considered by others that individuals ought to be responsible enough in protecting themselves. According to me, the latter is possible only if the former is in control. It is believed by some that the government should take responsibility to protect its citizens. The underlying reason for this is, that crime is a vast social issue and hence cannot be handled at an individual level. Another reason is that the government has the power to implement stringent rules and influence people's attitudes and opinions. For example, a lot of offences like, abduction and hijacking, require the involvement of law bodies, and in most cases, the punishment provided by these are considered as the final judgement. Additionally, governments have rights to put criminals behind the bar, without being overly questioned. Nevertheless, this idea is not agreed by many and the need for self-protection is outlined by such individuals. Many do not trust the decisions of an authoritative organization and hence rely on self to avoid being the victim. In many countries, for instance, women are learning self-defence in order to prepare themselves against heinous criminals, so as to avoid facing a trail, which are ridiculously prolonged, and failing in it due to lack of evidences. Most schools have incorporated martial arts in their curriculum. These explain why some think individuals should be responsible for their safety. To conclude, there is a difference in opinion on who is supposed to be in charge of controlling crime. There are those who think individuals should take necessary steps to avoid it altogether, however, few others seek government's aid in curbing felony. In my view, an authorised body should involve in the matters of offence and support the society in their fight against crime.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, has been growing beyond the alarming rate.
Hence
, making it imperative to take action against. While a section of the society opines that law and order or an
equally
Possible spelling mistake. 'authorised' is British English.
authorised
body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, it
is considered
by others that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
ought to be responsible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in protecting themselves.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, the latter is possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if the former is in control.

It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take responsibility to protect its citizens. The underlying reason for this is, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a vast social issue and
hence
cannot
be handled
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
level. Another reason is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has the power to implement stringent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and influence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attitudes and opinions.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
like, abduction and hijacking, require the involvement of law bodies, and
in most cases
, the punishment provided by these
are considered
as the final judgement.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have rights to put criminals behind the bar, without being
overly
questioned.

Nevertheless
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and the need for self-protection
is outlined
by such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
do not trust the decisions of an authoritative organization and
hence
rely on self to avoid being the victim. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
for instance
, women are learning
Possible spelling mistake. 'self-defence' is British English.
self-defence
in order to prepare themselves against heinous criminals,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
avoid facing a trail, which are
ridiculously
prolonged, and failing in it due to lack of evidences. Most schools have incorporated martial arts in their curriculum. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should be responsible for their safety.

To conclude
, there is a difference in opinion on who
is supposed
to be in charge of controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. There are those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should take necessary steps to avoid it altogether,
however
, few others seek
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's aid in curbing felony. In my view, an
Possible spelling mistake. 'authorised' is British English.
authorised
body should involve in the matters of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
and support the society in their fight against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe it the responsibility of individual to protect themselves. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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