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Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. v. 2
Although it is sometimes believed that the government ought to be responsible for the prevention of crime, other people think that it is only the individual’s responsibility to defend themselves. In my opinion, I consider that the public should be responsible for their own safety, not the government. On the one hand, some people argue that people should be responsible for protecting themselves and avoid making choices that put them at risks, such as walking alone late at night, and I agree. Therefore, individuals should ensure their belongings and house are secure on a daily basis, and they have the responsibility to change their passwords regularly and keep their online transactions secure. To cite an example, a small company in Egypt has lost around ten millions of dollars because someone hacked its system. The reason for the hacking is due to the fact that the company did not upgrade its defense system regularly. Furthermore, people should take the responsibility to protect their own neighbourhood by reporting suspicious behavior and setting up neighbourhood watch schemes. This can be done by learning self-defense and being fully aware of any activities occurred around. On the other hand, it is often believed that the government has the responsibility to deter criminals and prevent crime from happening. To put it another way, only the government has the ability to alter society on a national scale through the implementation of new laws and stricter punishment. This will lead to lowering the crime rates in society and bring greater rewards to society as a whole. Another reason why the government is responsible for preventing crimes is that it can allocate more funds to policing the streets and setting up more counter-terrorists units. This will result in reducing the potential attacks and make the country safer place to live in. Furthermore, the government is responsible for keeping the public informed about risks, and how those risks can be decreased. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I think that the public is totally responsible for their own safety by learning self-defense and reporting any suspicious activities in their areas to the authorities as early as possibel.
Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
believed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ought to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for the prevention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to defend themselves. In my opinion, I consider that the public should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
safety, not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for protecting themselves and avoid making choices that put them at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, such as walking alone late at night, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
Therefore
, individuals should ensure their belongings and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
are secure on a daily basis, and they have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their passwords
regularly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their online transactions secure. To cite an example, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in Egypt has lost around
Use a singular form of the numeral here: "ten million".
ten millions of
dollars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
someone hacked its system. The reason for the hacking is due to the fact that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
did not upgrade its defense system
regularly
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to protect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
by reporting suspicious behavior and setting up
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
schemes. This can
be done
by learning self-defense and being
fully
aware of any activities occurred around.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to deter criminals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
from happening. To put it another way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the ability to alter society on a national scale through the implementation of new laws and stricter punishment. This will lead to lowering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates in society and bring greater rewards to society as a whole. Another reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is that it can allocate more funds to policing the streets and setting up more counter-terrorists units. This will result in reducing the potential attacks and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the country safer place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for keeping the public informed about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, and how those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
can
be decreased
.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the public is
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
safety by learning self-defense and reporting any suspicious activities in their areas to the authorities as early as
Possible spelling mistake found.
possibel
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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