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Some people think high-end technology can prevent and cut down the rate of committing crime. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think high-end technology can prevent and cut down the rate of committing crime. v. 2
It is important to consider how modern technology has changed the way individuals live their life nowadays. In fact, many people believe that this development might positively affect the level of the committed crime. I strongly agree with this statement and will provide arguments to support my view. First and foremost, it is true that businesses are the ones which suffer the most from a simple theft to a well-planned monetary scam, and being such a vulnerable entity, it would make sense to include an advanced technology to their list of expenditures. To illustrate the point, a person’s detrimental intentions could quickly dissolve after seeing a wide-view video camera in a bank, for example. Knowing the fact that one’s identity is immediately identified the first moment that person enters the building, should put doubts in his or her mind. Sufficient research has been conducted on the topic of human behavior with the presence of any type of tracing gadgets, and it has been concluded that businesses with the following equipment has seen a gradual decrease in terms of robbery instances. Another interesting argument in favor of high-end technology is that it can also be implemented in solving web-based crimes by possibly allowing big companies to force a download of a permanent application to their phones in order to locate users’ money transfers and intakes. That can be specifically applied with Apple phones, for instance, which means that the app would be alerted if a low-income individual suddenly received a surprising amount of funds from an unidentified source. All of that could possibly lead to a more sustainable human behavior while reducing the rate of committed crime on the internet. In conclusion, if high-end technology had been implemented either physically in businesses and electronically in people’s gadgets, it is my firm belief that those with suspicious and adverse intentions would have been thinking twice before committing crimes.
It is
important
to consider how modern
technology
has
changed
the way individuals
live
their life nowadays. In fact,
many
people
believe that this development might
positively
affect the level of the committed
crime
. I
strongly
agree
with this statement and will provide arguments to support my view.

First
and foremost, it is true that businesses are the
ones
which suffer the most from a simple theft to a well-planned monetary scam, and being such a vulnerable entity, it would
make
sense to include an advanced
technology
to their list of expenditures. To illustrate the point, a person’s detrimental intentions could
quickly
dissolve after seeing a wide-view video camera in a bank,
for example
. Knowing the fact that one’s identity is immediately identified the
first
moment that person enters the building, should put doubts in
his or her
mind. Sufficient research has
been conducted
on the topic of human behavior with the presence of any type of tracing gadgets, and it has
been concluded
that businesses with the following equipment has
seen
a gradual decrease in terms of robbery instances.

Another interesting argument in favor of high-
end
technology
is that it can
also
be implemented
in solving web-based
crimes
by
possibly
allowing
big
companies
to force a download of a permanent application to their phones in order to locate users’ money transfers and intakes. That can be
specifically
applied with Apple phones,
for instance
, which means that the app would
be alerted
if a low-income individual
suddenly
received a surprising amount of funds from an unidentified source. All of that could
possibly
lead to a more sustainable human behavior while reducing the rate of committed
crime
on the internet.

In conclusion
, if high-
end
technology
had
been implemented
either
physically
in businesses and
electronically
in
people
’s gadgets, it is my firm belief that those with suspicious and adverse intentions would have been thinking twice
before
committing
crimes
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think high-end technology can prevent and cut down the rate of committing crime. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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